rachel ray touches her ears . . . with her toes (from myküll)
so yes, on sunday marianne and i made goat cheese crepes with fig jam. she made the kick-ass hint-o'-thyme batter ahead of time and then we took turns pouring the batter into the sizzling pan and flipping the crepes over. marianne's crepes turned out to be in the shape of the elephant man's hands and mine turned out to be perfect harmonious circles. then we put cubes of goat cheese in the middle of each crepe and folded the corners in to make little pillows of cheesy bliss. except two crepes were stuffed with m&ms and percocet for marianne's son, who we think liked them but he totally passed out early so we're not sure. it took like 30 seconds in the oven until they were done and we took them out and spread the incredibly rich and delicious scrote jam on them. then while scarfing down our meal we played rachel ray. to play rachel ray you must follow 3 steps: 1) enthusiastically shout out "MMMMMM!!!" just before forkful of food enters mouth. 2) slide fork in and out of mouth repeatedly while even more enthusiastically shouting out "MMMMMM!!!" 3) talk about how you did it all for under $40 and even made some extra cash by giving hand jobs to the bus boy and dishwasher. marianne and i are using a uniue and complicated rating system to evaluate each meal we create. we like to call it "the 5 star system." we give goat cheese crepes with fig jam 4 out of 5 stars. on an educational side note, did you know that goats are really cute and cuddly and love to be petted and will eat any fucking thing you put in front of them including your pant legs? also, if you are under a crab apple tree and have some crab apples in your hands and you feed them they will totally fall in love with you and want to make a special extra-creamy blend of goat cheese just for you. also, if you walk out into a field where the goats are supposed to be and yet there are no goats you just scream in a high-pitched voice HEEEEEEERRRREEEE GOATY GOATY GOATIES!!!!! and the entire herd will come running up and will jump on you and beg to be fed and kissed and petted. if you look deep into their eyes you will totally understand why they are the symbol of satanists everywhere. but that doesn't mean their cheese doesn't fucking rule the world.