Mars

What the heck

2008-01-24T08:52:00.000-05:00

An easy post here. I like this better than burning CDs!

Ten Things

2007-07-15T11:00:00.000-05:00

I got tagged by Von Jerrystein.

These are jobs I've had, outside my main career, since I was fourteen: waitress, cocktail waitress, dish washer, cleaner, chamber maid, short order cook, working in a pie factory, shop assistant, lab technician, picking up trash at the Golf Open on the Old Course, making crafts for sale at the Scottish Craft Centre, freelance catering, babysitting, fruit picking, and potato lifting.

I once got stung by a dozen yellow jackets at once

I caught measles twice when I was a kid

I once spoke only French for a month when I was staying with my grandmother's friend in Switzerland and it was the only language we had in common

These are countries I've visited or lived in: Scotland, England, Denmark, France, Switzerland, Germany, Yugoslavia, Austria, Italy, Fiji Islands, New Zealand, Malaysia, Thailand, Hong Kong, South Korea, Jamaica, USA. My favorite is New Zealand

My sister lived in Chapel Hill twenty years ago when I still lived in Scotland. Now she lives in London.

My ex-husband's second wife (I was number three) was a Playboy Bunny. It took me a while to get past that.

My favorite food ever is white truffle.

For years and years, I used to have an apple and an orange for lunch (from about ages 14 to 21). I know that's pretty fucked up but there you are.

My hands, feet and head are ginormous for a chick. I have a hard time with hats and my feet are size 11. I think I'm really a man in disguise. Now - who to tag? There's so much overlap in this incestuous blog world, and a bunch of us seem in hiatus mode. So - leave your ten things in the comments, and tag whoever you want. I hate rules, man.

Plus ca change

2007-05-21T18:45:00.001-05:00

Stealing from Jerry's playbook. The hair, the pants, the falsetto (the last two may or may not be connected)

Me, me, meme

2007-05-03T18:51:00.000-05:00

So, I've managed to defer posting the contents of the deluge of excellent mix CDs I've received recently in favor of this very intriguing meme, courtesy of Jerrysan and originating from Ms. Stewison.

Below are five questions devised especially for moi by Jerry, and my answers. They were awesome questions, and very thought provoking!

1: What erroneous assumptions have you found that we Americans make about Scotland, or about you as a Scottish person?

There have been many; some have surprised me, and some are understandable. I think the funniest erroneous assumption is that I am sophisticated and cultured. There are a couple that just seem ignorant; that Scotland is a part of England and that English is not my first language ('Wow, you speak English real good'). Another very common one is that I am familiar with every facet of Scottish culture and know every folk song and singer there ever was. Often, Americans seem to think Scotland and Ireland are the same place. I have never been accused of cheapness, luckily. But it has been assumed I know how to play golf, and am interested in doing so (nope).

2: If you could send a message to yourself at any point in the past, what (and when) would the message be? (For the sake of argument, let's exclude things like "Buy Microsoft at $5/share".)

I think I would like have told myself that I'm going to turn out to be pretty tough and self-sufficient, and I think I would have liked to tell myself that during college, when I felt sort of lost a lot of the time.

3: If you could be any fictional character, who would you be and why?

Sophie Fevvers, from Angela Carter's Nights at the Circus. She is a wonderful strong, mysterious, desirable, larger than life character. I also love that whole fin de siecle vibe in that book, when science was still somewhat magical and modernity was waiting in the wings, and I would loved to have been around at that time.

4: Which would you rather have had: your own childhood, or the one your son is having right now?

No question, mine. I loved my early childhood; I grew up in a small, pretty seaside town, and it seems like we spent every sunny day on the beach. I also loved having sisters and a dog when I grew up; I can't imagine being an only child. I do think my son and I are closer than I was to my parents growing up though, and he has more material things than we had.

5: If you could ask your cats a question and have them respond in English, what would it be?

What in hell do you DO all day?

To spread the joy, if you would like to be interviewed by me (I promise no papparazzi or upskirt shots), please leave a comment indicating your wish. I'll send you five questions, and you can post your answers on your blog, or on mine if you don't have one. Then explain on your blog how it all works and offer to interview someone else, and devise five questions for them. If you don't do this within three days, your penis will shrivel and dry and drop off. Or if you're a girl, someone whose penis you like will suffer the same fate.

Avril

2007-04-18T18:17:00.000-05:00

Hmmm - a Quentin Tarantino rapist doll -err I mean action figure. On the one hand, I can see myself uncomfortably laughing at this if one of my friends had one, yet on the other, the concept behind it is pretty sick. Almost as sick as this.

I have a feeling this is a LOT harder than it looks.

These interlocking notebooks completely appeal to my stationery fetish.

This looks like the coolest museum ever (well, maybe not. It certainly has the coolest name. I love that kind of Brazil technology.

This has to be the fastest proposal ever. I wonder if it will last?

I have two CDs from Mykull to post. Next time, I promise!

Spring is Sprung

2007-03-13T18:21:00.000-05:00

I think. Though maybe winter will come back again. This time of year makes me lament my doughy, pale blue genetic legacy, as my winterized limbs make their first eye-searing appearance in months. I wonder if thinking positively could make a difference. I'm not pasty, I'm alabaster. Doing six loads of laundry and housework and writing bills and writing software for 40 hours a week is a WORKOUT, baby.

I would totally wear these vintage Lame Giant dressies. They are so very cute. Though that olde worlde Lane Bryant model seems to carry all her weight in her cute little cherubic face and none on her kind of svelte looking body. She kind of looks like she should play basketball or something, a big strapping, athletic girl. Of course, those teensy hats and pincurls don't really help matters when you have a chubby face.

Is this canoe not one of the most awesome things you have ever seen? Can you imagine seeing all the fish swimming underneath you? Though in this neck of the woods, there's probably just yucky catfish and watersnakes.

I guess the impetus behind this was something similar, but it looks ghastly. You think they could do a computer simulation of walking over the Canyon in the Visitor Center or something, and it would be cheaper, safer and probably more impressive, rather than tearing up the actual Grand Canyon itself. That's just super tacky.

You know how they have all those Limited Edition candy bars, that make you feel like you ought to buy them before they disappear forever? How about these Limited Editions? Actually, I think vegetable Skittles could be kind of good, like V8 or something.

Work it out, baby

2007-02-25T12:20:00.000-05:00

I have made another workout CD; ask for your copy NOW!!

I think it's funny that the trailers for Jim Carrey's next pretentious project, The Number 23, are more often than not followed by a Dr. Pepper commercial. I don't think that's accidental. I love that Dr. Pepper used to be called a "Waco". I suspect if you asked for one of those today, you might not get a soda.

This ultimate Swiss Army Knife is pretty cool.

I love this website, Gallery of the Absurd. I think Diaper Man bears a striking resemblance to Peter Griffin.

Marianne's Second Workout CD

Track	Artist
(Dancin' in the) Freaky Zone	The Prima Donnas
Writing On The Wall (Isan / Brutal Folly Remix)	Cities
Underwater (You and Me)	Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
I Don't Give A....	Peaches
When You Go Out	I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness
Yell It Out	Violet Nine
No More Heroes	Stranglers
Await Rescue	65DaysOfStatic
The End	David & The Citizens
I Feel Love	Donna Summer
atlantis to Interzone	Klaxons
Touche-Moi	Stereo Total
Good Weekend	Art Brut
Hang Me Up To Dry	Cold War Kids
Wrong Time Capsule	Deerhoof
At Least	Baby Dayliner
Why Bother At All	Koufax
Destroy Everything You Touch	Ladytron
Hunger	Nicolai Dunger
Push Air	Pretty Girls Make Graves
Escape Clause	The Stairs
Home and Dry	Pet Shop Boys

Poisonality

2007-02-19T19:36:00.000-05:00

I took this personality test, and got the same results three times in a row, much to my disappointment. It's a little boring and predictable, isn't it?

Here's another quiz that's kind of fun: what American accent do you have? I am apparently, from the North East. Which is kind of true.

The father of my future children has an ice-cream named for him. I would say that's always an asset.

Oh, why do I love thee, oh breakfast appliance? I want one in my office.

I hear rumours that Ginger Altoids are history. I love ginger in any incarnation but combined with chalk and wrapped in parchment and then in a tin is one of my favorites.

This report from the United Nations got a lot of press in Europe, but not much here. Yes, Britain is at the bottom of the heap, but the US didn't fare too well either. The Czech Republic and Poland both did better. And child poverty stands at 15% here and in the UK.

Plus ca change

2007-02-12T19:36:00.000-05:00

Those PC vs. Mac commercials are getting tons of airtime, with the release of the latest Windows behemoth, Vista. But did you know that the British versions have completely different actors? They're a well-known comedy duo, which has got to make the ads completely different. The US ones are very well acted, IMHO. But John Hodgman is too cute for me to disdain the PC.

An interesting book on pyschology just got republished. It addresses our collective irrationality; for example, why parents worry more about their child getting abducted than getting killed in a car accident. The excerpt on the website is really awesome.

Soon, it will be my least favorite day of the year. I like the Japanese version (chocolate obligation), which is about right. Actually, I really did like it when my son was in elementary school. Everyone in his class got cards from everyone else, and everyone got candy. I much prefer that version to the adult emotional pressure cooker.

I guess enough people dislike V-Day for the mainstream card companies to provide Anti-Valentine's Day cards, which is strangely comforting.

And last, but not least, congratulations to Stewpants, on landing a great new job!

Addicted again

2007-01-27T17:07:00.000-05:00

After a long knitting hiatus, I am replenished. I have a list of things to knit and some things that just pique my interest. Plus I'm getting some online inspiration, and some hard-copy inspiration in the shape of old 60's Vogue Knitting magazines my mum sent me.

Apart from the utter coolness and timelessness of the designs (I should put these on Flickr sometime), I like that there are all these synthetic fibers you never hear of anymore, like Bri-Nylon, Courtelle, and Crimplene.

Speaking of addiction, it looks like there may be a new shoe shopping site, Endless, which could give my much loved Zappos a run for their money.

I don't know why, but these feral child stories fascinate me.

I think I lost a CD that means a lot to me; my ex-boyfriend was in the band, man. But I managed to find it cheap! Yay!

Life's Small Victories

2007-01-20T18:51:00.000-05:00

My computer screen had gone completely kaput, but then I looked around and I found I had purchased a three year warranty which I had totally forgotten about, so the repair was covered! Yay! Though I desperately, desperately miss my computer, now that it's in the shop. Especially all my music.

Is it wrong that I think the Bratz Babyz Mermaidz are cute? Even though their language may be a little suspect?

This is a bit of alarming news - the 3,000 year old Ayles ice shelf has broken off (actually about a year ago). Here's an amazing website about global warming.

Another Place is a kind of creepy but cool installation on Crosby Beach that was supposed to have come to the US. It seems like a quintessentially British work of art to me - maybe it's the slightly alienated distance between the figures, or the pathos of them being covered and uncovered by the sea.

So, single American women are in the majority. I think our expectations from a partner are higher than ever, and our capacity to live financially secure and socially fulfilling lives is equally high, which really ups the ante for meeting a soulmate. Plus I don't want to share my Bratz collection with anyone.

301 Things A Bright Girl Can Do

2007-01-09T20:18:00.000-05:00

My mum recently mailed me Three Hundred and One Things A Bright Girl Can Do. It's one of my favorite childhood artifacts, along with The Little White Horse and The Moomintroll books. And yes, I was kind of a prissy little girl.

The reason why I love THOTABGCC (published in 1911, at the tail end of the Edwardian era), is that there is a kind of sense of impending modernity about it, but it's still pretty quaint, and is kind of illuminating in terms of the knowledge a well-brought up young lady could reasonably be expected to have.

It has chapters on different sports (hockey, tennis etc), and a whole entire chapter on May Pole Dancing, which is less exciting than you might imagine. If you were a bright girl, you could also learn how to: make tents, grow flowers, sketch, paint in oils, do pyrography, study architecture, raise silkworms, tell fortunes, make a hammock, knit, crochet, sew, create the illusion of someone being cremated alive, do sign language, cut a bottle in two, play a series of very boring but elaborate parlor games, make toffee and fudge, decorate a church, and put on a theatrical production.

I guess all this only applies if you were a bright girl who was lucky enough not to have other commitments,

Another reason I love this book is the blatant snobbish editorializing; in the aforementioned May Pole chapter: 'it is a pity that the vulgar rubbish of the Cockney music-halls should prevail when excellent music is available'. In the hockey chapter: 'Girls who club together for the exercise alone and with no desire to show off will be able to keep expenses down'. In the Introduction: 'How gracefully and well does a woman ride a bicycle usually; how humpbacked and ungainly do most men appear on the same machine!'

Anyway, I guess I'm the third generation to own this book; there are no bright girls in the fourth generation, more's the pity, but I hold out hope for the fifth.

Really Happy New Year

2007-01-06T10:23:00.000-05:00

I feel like the first week of the New Year doesn't quite feel like a fresh start yet, more like wrapping up the Kwanukahmas season. And it's hard to start any resolutions while you still have leftovers and/or hangovers. Rather than think of January 1 as New Year's, I think I'll think of it as the circumcision of Jesus, and the New Year can begin on Epiphany.

Once the holiday tree or bush gets tossed, though - then it feels like a new year. And in that spirit, I make public my resolutions, and the rationale behind them. I've already shared them with some of you, but I might have a better shot of sticking to them if they're even more public:

I resolve not to resolve to lose weight, which I do almost every year. And I do lose weight almost every year, and then put it on again. I'm your classic yo-yo dieter. So this year, I'm going to strive to live more healthfully, eat better (five servings of fruit and veggies a day, less refined food) and continue to exercise at least three times a week, which is one good habit I kept up with last year.

I resolve to spend more time in nature (not au naturel but in natural settings). Whenever I do this, I'm glad I carved out the time. Going for a walk in the woods or canoeing or even just having a picnic can de-stress you like no amount of alcohol or sleep or eating chocolate can.

I resolve to knit stuff people have asked me to knit in the order they asked me (sorry Stewie - I know you've been waiting a long time for that hedgehog!). I have quite a long list but I'm afraid I've forgotten a lot, so put in your requests! Time related (i.e. baby) items trump anything on the list, and I can see at least one of those on the horizon, so that's my only caveat.

I resolve to be more accepting of my size and my looks in general, whilst living the healthiest way that is practical (sort of the emotional component of my first resolution). I'm not going to get any younger, and while I may or may not get thinner, I'll still be me-shaped, which is not a fashionable shape.

I resolve to continue to expand my social life independantly of my son, but kindly and slowly, for both him and me.

I resolve to reduce my feelings of guilt (about every area of my life!), and treat myself like I would treat a friend instead of beating myself up. I have really struggled with this in the past, but this past year, I feel like I've at least become more aware of it. I can literally lie awake all night feeling guilty about my job, money, my son, my parents, my nephew, my old age, my weight - it goes on and on. And what does that accomplish - nothing!

I resolve to be grateful for the many wonderful things I have in my life; health, a beautiful, smart, kind son, a cozy house, fantastic friends, a job I really love, and a comfortable, if modest life. Though I absolutely refuse to call them "blessings". Is it indicative of anything that clicking that last link brings up an empty page for me?

Peppermint People

2006-12-30T19:03:00.000-05:00

Minty made a terrific mix about people. Though I have to say, the lyrics about Mary-Anne are WAY off the mark. And I am very happy that my link for '88 Lines for 44 Women' came from polyamory.org. Though I couldn't find a link for The Gay. Probably because those damn homosexuals have taken over the Internet. I didn't know that Jim Carroll wrote The Basketball Diaries.

I love the Kimya Dawson song, and my son loves the Tenacious D song, but let's face it - this whole mix is awesome. Except maybe for 'Watching Scotty Grow', which is worth it just for the snicker potential of the title.

I do love that Minty has brought back the art of the comment, which I had dropped because my laziness in constructing comments was becoming an obstacle to creating new mix CDs. But luckily there are still those amongst us with industry and wit.

Oh - and by the way - Happy New Year!

Minty's People CD

Track	Artist	Comments
People Who Died	The Jim Carroll Band	Isn’t it just like me to start out a mix on an upbeat note? But really, I LOVE this fucking song, and it’s CATHARTIC. Turn it up!!
Joey	Nick Drake	Uh, speaking of people who died . . . Nick Drake died too. This is a pretty pretty song he wrote about a girl named Joey.
Cecilia	Simon & Garfunkel	Wait—he’s shagging this girl in his room, and he gets up to go to the can, and when he comes back she’s in his bed with someone else? Dude, that’s pretty fucked up right there.
Donna	Hair, Original Broadway Cast	I learned more about drugs and sex by listening to the Hair soundtrack album than I learned from my parents.
Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine	The Killers	My daughter, Teen Girl 2, suggested I add this one, since she knows several Jennys who are friends of mine. Note to the Jennys: aren’t you glad I didn’t put that Tommy Tutone song on here instead?
Alison	Elvis Costello	If I were on a desert island and this was the only song I had, I think that would be OK. If I were on a desert island with Elvis Costello, that would be even better.
I Want Candy	Bow Wow Wow	My brother is responsible in large part for the development of my musical tastes. He introduced me to Bow Wow Wow in 1981. Thanks, brother, for that—and thanks, Malcolm McLaren, for Bow Wow Wow!
Frank Mills	The Lemonheads	Why yes, it IS another song from the musical Hair. You got a problem with that? I have a thing for junkies like Evan Dando. Remember when he used to wear pajamas all the time? Was that cute, or just pathetic?
Marie Provost	Nick Lowe	Of all the songs in the world about people getting eaten by their pet dogs, this one is my FAVORITE.
Song For Myla Goldberg	The Decemberists	“I know New York, I need New York, I know I need unique New York.” Say that five times fast, Eliza!
Christine Sixteen	KISS	Summer of 1977, before my senior year of high school, my boyfriend and I went ice skating 2 or 3 times a week. They always played this song, and I always skated fast when it came on. Maybe to impress the boyfriend, or maybe to try and get away from the image of Gene Simmons putting that tongue in the mouth of a 16-year-old girl.
Michael	Franz Ferdinand	"Michael, you’re dancing like a beautiful dance whore." ’Nuff said.
Tire Swing	Kimya Dawson	It was this song that gave me the idea for this mix, because it reminded me of the two songs that bookend this collection. I would like to give Kimya Dawson a hug, and some cookies.
Kate	Ben Folds Five	Nearly every Ben Folds song contains the name of a person, so it was hard to pick just one. I like this one a lot, and I like that it talks about Chapel Hill, even if it is impossible to stand at the corner of Rosemary and Cameron, since they are parallel to each other.
Dave’s Holiday	Patty Larkin	Patty Larkin is a folk singer from Boston. I saw her at a club with my brother in 1981, and on her strumming hand she wore a Mickey Mouse puppet. That was funny.
Marlene	Todd Rundgren	Y’all know that I love me some Todd. This is a pretty one from the album Something/ Anything.
Robert Smith	The Gay	The Gay is another Canadian supergroup, but they’re no New Pornographers, IMO. I just like how they say “Robert” over and over in the middle of this song.
Walk Away Renee	The Left Banke	Yeah, Renee, just walk away. See if I care. And Renee? Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.
Gretzky Rocks	The Pursuit of Happiness	It was between this track and the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ "Magic Johnson."I think this one’s catchier and more fun. Plus, I hate the Lakers.
Natasha	Rufus Wainwright	One of the first concerts I ever went to was Rufus’s dad, Loudon Wainwright III, opening for Janis Ian. That’s a pretty strange pairing, don’t you think? I still like Loudon, but I ADORE Rufus.
Ana Ng	They Might Be Giants	Love those geeky Johns.
Lee	Tenacious D	If you hate Jack Black and/or Tenacious D, fear not—this is only about a minute long.
Mary-Ann	Adam Richman	I don’t know much about this guy, but this song’s got a catchy chorus.
Watching Scotty Grow	Bobby Goldsboro	This may be the most cloying, smarmy, mawkish, hackneyed song ever committed to vinyl. It makes my teeth hurt every time I hear it. Now I share the joy with you! Hey! Get your finger off the “next track” button!!!
88 Lines About 44 Women	The Nails	80s new wave! Remember this song? Sure you do—from Mazda commercials, if you’re too young to have heard it on the radio.

Mixmas

2006-12-27T19:17:00.000-05:00

Minty has made a great mix about people. People who need people. Are the yuckiest people in the world. And I promise I will give her CD due process in my next post, but I also made a CD, and I am a selfish cow. So here it is:

Marianne's Solstice Mix

Track	Artist
You Can Never Hold Back Spring	Tom Waits
Island's Gone Bad	Shapes And Sizes
Supernatural Car Lover	Robert Pollard
Solstice	Pit Er Pat
Bird Of Cuzco	Nina Nastasia
Something of an End	My Brightest Diamond
You Never Got Me Right	Frida Hyvönen
Let's Go Driving	Barzin
Oh Mandy	Spinto band
For Real	Okkervil River
Pétales Aiment la Saleté	The Age Of Rockets
Open Your Arms	Editors
The Ukranians	Vitaminsforyou
Para lá do Pará	Tom Zé
The Best Days	The Softies
Pushover	The Long Winters
Gloomy Sunday	The Associates
Ghost Of York	As Tall As Lions
78% H20	Ani DiFranco
Song No. 6	Ane Brun

What's Your Christmas Menu?

2006-12-25T12:53:00.000-05:00

Roast turkey breast, pommes au gratin, roast parsnips, brussels sprouts, bread sauce, gravy, stuffing and cranberry sauce

Christmas pudding and rum butter

Chocolate and alcohol as breakfast, appetizer, snacks, palate cleanser etc.

Bottoms Up!

2006-12-20T20:19:00.000-05:00

I love these retro towels 'n stuff, especially the 'Bottoms Up' one. So very cute, and a good motto for a girl to have, I think.

Did you have any idea that pot was the biggest cash crop in the US, and that production has increased ten-fold in the last 25 years? That's pretty astonishing. I only know a couple of people who admit to smoking pot; so where are all these potheads?

The arguments my family has are nothing like as rational as the ones described here. Where's the Unconnected Historical Grudge argument? Or the If You Don't Know I'm Not Going To Tell You argument? Or the Tight-Lipped Shoulder Chip argument? Or the You're Just Like Your Grandmother argument (frequently levelled at me)?

I'm going to copy off of Lastewie and steal her meme.

1. Yourself: contented
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend (spouse): non-existent
3. Your hair: red
4. Your mother: inscrutable
5. Your father: loveable
6. Your favorite item: son
7. Your dream last night: bizarre
8. Your favorite drink: chai
9. Your dream car: new
10. The room you are in: sitting-room
11. Your ex: sick
12. Your fear: loneliness
13. What you want to be in 10 years? busy
14. Who you hung out with last night? crowd
15. What you're not? republican
16. Muffins: homemade
17. One of your wish list items: travel
18. Time: accelerates
19. The last thing you did: pee
20. What you are wearing: skirt
21. Your favorite weather: 75
22. Your favorite book: lots
23. The last thing you ate: clementine
24. Your life: full
25. Your mood: relaxed
26. Your best friend: son
27. What are you thinking about right now? music
28. Your car: dying
29. What are you doing at the moment? listening
30. Your summer: mild
31. Your relationship status: open
32. What is on your TV? crap
33. What is the weather like? beautiful
34. When is the last time you laughed? afternoon

The Book Of Oh Fuck It

2006-12-11T21:40:00.000-05:00

I think I need The Book Of No. It has little roleplaying scripts for different situations. I totally love that idea, because I have a small imagination and a weak spine.

James Bond is Lord Asriel in His Dark Materials. I think Daniel Craig is absolutely perfect, but not sure about Nicole Kidman as Lady Wotsit. Actually, I just wanted an excuse to post a picture of Daniel Craig in swim trunks.

I bet he doesn't eat any of that devil food. Which I always thought was chocolate cake. So - something that's feminizing is evil? Apparently, tofu creates homosexuals and fat people and people with breast cancer and leukemia and men with tiny genitals and women with huge wombs. You think we might have noticed this amongst the immense number of people who have eaten tofu for centuries and centuries.

Mykull has made an incredibly awesome mix CD. I defy anyone who has heard it not to like it. I love the Gene track, and sing Fucking Boyfriend under my breath all the time. Which gets a few stares. And Silent Shout is just fabulous. And I love that he always includes at least one Scottish artist. Yay Mykull!

Mykulls Fall Mix

Track	Artist
Silent Shout	The Knife
Sunshine	Keane
Dog	El Perro del Mar
Empty Shell	Cat Power
Goodnight Jack	Saint Etienne
Fucking Boyfriend (Peaches Remix)	The Bird and the Bee
Jamais	Charlotte Gainsbourg
Save Me, I'm Yours	Gene
Bird Girl	Antony and the Johnsons
Mad Drums	The Delgados
Beauty	Ladytron
Right Now and Right Here	Keren Ann
Lost in Space	Luna
You Can't Break a Broken Heart	The 6ths

OK Not So Lazy

2006-12-03T14:00:00.000-05:00

Why is Nintendo's new game system called wee? As in 'I really, really want a wee'. Or 'I really like the look of that wee.' Or 'Just look at all the things you can do with a wee.' They could have called it a 'Y' or an 'wai-ee' (like the correct pronunciation of Hawaii), or even a 'whee'.

I suspect I may be welcoming one into my home soon, given the exorbitant amount of Christmas moolah my son seems to have accumulated. He is obsessed with Naruto right now, and wants to maximize the number of delivery devices he has.

Does anyone else think The Crane Wife sounds like Yes in parts? And Pink Floyd in others? Or is it just because I am an old fart? However, that said, I think it is awesome.

I'm making one of my favorite Christmas recipes today for dessert:

Caramelized Oranges

One orange per person
1/4 cup sugar per orange
cloves, cinnamon stick, ginger, orangeflower water, Grand Marnier

Cut the peel from the oranges and thinly slice. Place in a pretty bowl. Put the sugar in a heavy bottomed pan and heat on a high heat until it melts and caramelizes (you might have to shake the pan to get it all caramelized). Add about 1/2 cup water for each cup of sugar. The caramel will immediately sizzle and harden into a sugar man o' war, so melt it again over medium heat. Add your flavorings from the list above (any or all, easy on the cloves, they are pretty pungent) and pour over the oranges and let them macerate (snigger) for a good long time. Serve, in an ideal world, with whole milk Greek yoghurt and some home-made cookies.

Lazy

2006-12-02T18:57:00.000-05:00

I'm finally catching up on all the media I've acquired through purchase, gift or loan that I've ignored during my parental visit. Love this CD - Jacques Dutronc is hot. I also really love the revolved06 track. And The Sleepy Jackson. And Totom. And while looking for links for this, I found one for a Yoshimi battles Snoop Dogg mashup that particularly intrigues me. These ought to be played on the Minty MP3 Player,easily made from an Altoids tin and some odds and ends that I'm sure you have laying around.

Here's a little intro from Minty, so I don't even have to write most of this post:

"I recently spent a weekend in my old hometown of Sprawling Western Metropolis, where I spent the better part of a day with my old friend S., who had declared it "Minty Von Minterson Day." He made me this mix CD, both to commemorate the occasion and because I always get on his case about him saying he's going to make me mix CDs and never following through. I think he came through in a big way with this one--I love it. There are some great mashups on here, some stuff you haven't heard in decades, and some cool new stuff too. Thanks, friend S.! "

Minty Von Minterson Day Mix

Track	Artist
Ain't Got No - I Got Life	Nina Simone
Quand c'est use on le jette	Jacques Dutronc
You're The One That I Want In the Next Episode / Grease vs. Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg	John, Olivia, Snoop and the good Dr.
Secret Meeting	The National
Revolved06	Beatles/Genesis
The Ave	Blue Scholars
Money Is King	Bob Gibson
I See Spiders When I Close My Eyes	Boy Least Likely To
On The Way Home	Buffalo Springfield
Good Dancers	The Sleepy Jackson
Girlfriend	Harry Nilsson
Bang Bang To The Rock 'n' Roll	Gabin
The Party's Crashing Us	Of Montreal
You Were The Last Here Today	Totom
Will It Go Round In Circles	Billy Preston
Mercy	Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Que Sera	Wax Tailor
Don't Sleep	The Sugarplastic
She Goes Out With Everyone	The Spongetones
Why Do I Cry	The Remains
Way To Your Heart	Persephone's Bees
Day Tripper	Nancy Sinatra
Kicks	The Flamin' Groovies

Another year over..

2006-11-12T10:46:00.000-05:00

Of my years that is, as tomorrow celebrates the start of my forty-fifth year. God, that sounds so ancient. Though I'm happy I got carded TWICE in the last month. My lovely friends are doing lots of nice things for my birthday, and my son made me a sweet card with an anime cat angel on it. Nothing says happy birthday like an anime cat angel.

Well, the mid-term election results were certainly a great birthday present. Is it wrong that I think it's funny that a dead candidate won the race for a seat on the Union County Soil Conservation board? If he was buried, then he's certainly doing his part. And did Comedy Central really break the Donald Rumsfeld story?

I'm reading Antonia Fraser's bio of Marie Antoinette. It's absolutely fascinating, and you can definitely see parallels between how royalty was treated and how we treat celebrities today. And the role of clothing, and jewellery in terms of how Marie Antoinette was regarded by the populace is pretty interesting.

This piece about the off-season vacation almost perfectly describes most of the off- and on-season vacations I have had in Britain. I always feel a vacation is not complete without one shitty day with nothing to do other than drink. Speaking of which, I have a birthday snifter to enjoy on this rainy day, courtesy of Pinky.

Grow-ers vs Show-ers

2006-11-03T19:39:00.000-05:00

This is not a cheap pathetic ploy to increase my site visits, but rather a philosophical treatise on the nature of friendship.

I feel like you can split your acquaintances into two camps; grow-ers, who may not strike you particularly the first few times you meet them, but subsequently you discover all kinds of wonderful hidden qualities that endear them to you more and more; and show-ers, who wow you the first time you meet them with their wit or looks or friendliness, but the more you know them, the more you realize their charms are rather limited. And occasionally you will meet a show-er and a grow-er, who both wows you at first meeting, and continues to provide an odyssey of discovery as you get to know them.

I think I'm probably a grow-er. I hope.

Well, this does lead rather nicely into the sordid tale of Ted Haggard, that Mykull first drew to my attention. Sooo - does this mean in the Christian Right list of naughty things to not get caught at, that drug abuse and a hand job from a male prostitute are less heinous than having sex with said prostitute? Also, in that article, I particularly enjoy this quote:

'Church member E.J. Cox, 25, called the claims "ridiculous." "People are always saying stuff about Pastor Ted," she said. "You just sort of blow it off. He's just like anyone else in the public eye."'

Yea, that's what he said.

It's a brave new world out there. Who 'won'? I'm going to be an optimist and say the open source kids.

Who are you going to vote for on Tuesday? Please give this poor uninformed voter some clues other than the Independant voter's guide.

Russell Simmons is doing his civic duty by persuading robots to vote. Or something like that.

And another one

2006-10-27T19:11:00.000-05:00

My darling son has been telling me about his school bus driver, who forces the boys to be chivalrous and give up their seats for girls. I just can't believe in this day and age that this still happens. It really bothers me - what is the message here? That girls are more feeble and need a seat more, or that chivalry is only practised by men towards women, or that manners need to be imposed upon the unwilling? Never mind the fact that there aren't enough seats for everyone.

I was buying The Information from Overstock.com (coz I want the stickers and the videos and the Scientology subliminal brain washing and all that other stuff) when I got an exceedingly annoying pop-up for a live assistant.

I detest obsequious service, and I thought online shopping was a haven from it. I hate when waiters ask you 50,000 times how everything is, usually when your mouth is full of something unflattering like spinach salad. I hate when shop assistants follow you around and ask if you can find everything ok or if they can help you with anything, usually when you're fingering the gusset of a gigantic pair of granny panties or musing on whether you need super plus or super plus plus tampons. I hate the feeling that Big Brother is hovering over your shoulder, ready to chip in with his opinion on your purchasing choices - "Honey - super plus plus. No question".

The ex-White House Chef has written a tell-all book. Apparently, the Bushes are rather boring about their food, surprise, surprise, and took advantage of state dinners to pay tribute to their big donors with disgusting recipes such as turkey stuffed with Dunkin' Donuts. I think they should hire this man as the White House chef.

I kind of want this CD, not least because of it's name. But also because I like what I've heard from it too.

Rainy Day

2006-10-22T09:44:00.000-05:00

I hate Caroline. I feel like I ought to like it because of the ethereal thing which I usually love, but somehow she makes me want to barf. Too sweet.

Speaking of things that make me barf, video games really do a number on me. Maybe I have some inner ear thingie, but I can't play them for more than about ten minutes. Which is fine because they do NOTHING for me. But occasionally my son will persuade me to play video games with him, and everytime I do, I'm bored out of my gourd. Except for DDR, which is awesome. I think the problem is that I am excessively non-competitive, at least in the sports/games arena of life.

I am kind of competitive about being a mother, though. I want my son to be successful to show a single mom can do a good job.

There are a bumper crop of really creepy toys this year. I have to say, "Love and Grow" is a horrible name for a doll. I know where my mind goes when I read that name.

Speaking of inappropriately sexy things, my son and I always make a point of visiting the doggy hooker section of Target (as we call it), whenever we are there. It's fascinating - who buys this stuff? Why would you dress you dog in a bling encrusted pink velour boob tube? Or a friggin' tutu?

Birth Of A Nation's Cuisine

2006-10-19T18:00:00.000-05:00

The State Fair, with it's stunning array of fried food, including deep fried coke, as mentioned by my dear friend, reminds me of Scotland's role in creating these wonderful gastronomic delights.

Scotland, home of the deep fried Mars bar, mother of all deep-fried desserts, and of the deep fried pizza, an exercise in total deep frying redundancy. Imagine, if you will, an individual frozen pizza the size of a salad plate, immersed in it's bath of molten beef tallow and plumping up to the size of a tractor tyre. Imagine biting into it's yielding crust and the hot, meaty, oil spurting down your chin. Other Scottish delicacies include the baked bean pie, topped with mashed potato, and the macaroni cheese pie. The anti-Atkins diet, if you will. Mmmmmm! No wonder Scotland has such a stellar health record.

Yet another exhibit to prove my deep nerdiness; I love maps. I love that there is no such thing as a 'definitive' map. I love looking at familiar places in lots of different ways.

Sometimes, a respected source seems to state the bleeding obvious. I mean, it's obvious on an intuitive level, although I think it complicates a lot of issues to think this way rather than in polarities. I like Susan Greenfield's article in Science & Spirit. That looks like an awesome magazine.

Life's Small Victories

2006-10-14T17:35:00.000-05:00

It's funny how a succession of small things can make your day good. I started out the day talking to my mum, as I always do on Saturday, and my dad made me laugh so hard because he was making shadow animals over the phone.

Then my son and I scored at Thriftworld for his Halloween malevolent clown costume - we got a bright red pair of pants, a hideous tie, a green and a yellow t-shirt for under $10.

Then I got carded buying beer at Target. I haven't been carded in ages. With my gigantic son standing right beside me, no less.

Then I went home, and the guy across the road had the cutest little puppy (which looked sort of like this), and Mykull and I played with it for a while. The puppy, I hasten to add, knowing the readership of this blog.

Then my son and I went for a walk with Jenny along the River Eno, and it was really beautiful and relaxing.

Though the news that Air America is filing for bankruptcy is kind of a bummer. And that fat fuck is still going strong.

Das euroslutten

2006-10-11T18:53:00.000-05:00

That's Mykull. Every time I listen to one of his mix CDs, I want to dress him up in a black turtlneck and make him smoke Gauloises. He has a streak of eurotrash a mile wide. And excellent musical taste, of course. Including a couple of Scottish bands - yay!

Mykulls ES Mix

Track	Artist
Here Comes the Sun	Nina Simone
Wildcat	Ratatat
Your Ghost	Kristen Hersh
Rental Car	Beck
Let Your Body Decide	The Ark
Smiley Faces	Gnarls Barkley
Silent Shout	The Knife
It's Getting Light Outside	Clearlake
The Advancing Flags	Lansing-Dreiden
Lonely Soul	DJ Shadow
1234	Cansei de Ser Sexy
Miss You	The Concretes
Coming in from the Cold	The Delgados
Friendship Update	The Go! Team
I Love My Jean	Camera Obscura
Leave Me Here	Hem
Shower Scene	Saint Etienne

I feel a mix coming on....

2006-10-06T05:29:00.000-05:00

Specifically, a workout mix to celebrate my new found relationship with the gym. Not that you would notice, but still. Let me know if you're interested - I anticipate posting/burning pretty soon

About bloody time

2006-10-05T20:47:00.000-05:00

I've been working on a workout CD but am too lazy to do liner notes this time. And I know Neko Case is probably not quite bouncy enough to work out to, but I fucking love her voice. Got a problem with that? I also fucking hate that there is a high percentage that seem to be in commercials. But I still like them.

Marianne's Workout CD

Track	Artist
(Get A) Grip (On Yourself)	The Stranglers
Baby C'mon	Stephen Malkmus
Circle Square Triangle	Test Icicles
Cold World	The Electric Soft Parade
Could Be Anything	The Eames Era
Dance Me In	Sons & Daughters
Fraud In The '80s	Mates of State
If You Knew	Neko Case
Low Life	SCANNeRS
My Doorbell	The White Stripes
Debaser	Pixies
Sister Jack	Spoon
Skip To The End	The Futureheads
Solid Gold Easy Action	Marc Bolan & T.Rex
This Charming Man	The Smiths
to be myself completely	belle and sebastian
Venus In Furs	Devotchka
Wolf Parade	Fancy Claps
You Better Get Ready	The Rosebuds

Sex, Death and Music

2006-10-03T20:20:00.000-05:00

Apparently, these are the most popular songs to play at a funeral. Are people really that cheesy? It reminds me of that Noel Coward quote, "Extraordinary how potent cheap music is". If I buy the farm, I would just like a cadre of chanting monks. Not chanting "My Heart Will Go On", I hasten to add.

It made me think about songs that make you cringe. Sometimes When We Touch has got to be on top of my list. Unless Mykull is singing it to me, in which case I melt. Here's some other candidates:

Lady In Red - Chris de Burgh

Strokin' - Clarence Carter

You Light Up My Life - Debbi Boone

Honey - Bobby Goldsboro

You're Having My Baby - Paul Anka

Vincent - Don McLean

I Feel Like A Woman - Shania Twain And after looked at the lyrics of all of these, I have to say the squickiest is "You're having my baby". If anyone ever knocks me up and is tempted to play this song, I will personally castrate them with a rusty pair of blunt scissors.

Here's an interesting concept; a vibrator controlled by your iPod music. Original idea, but you would have to get your playlist exactly right.

Well, my annual pumpkin carving party is fast approaching, and I would love to make some gory food. Especially that bloody heart - it's awesome.

Itchy Feet

2006-10-01T08:48:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I have been suffering an attack of major itchy feet. I want to go to a completely unfamiliar place where I know nothing and no-one, and get to know it. I've done this before, a few times, and it's simultaneously the most nerve-wracking and exciting experience.

Of course, I have a kid and a job and a mortgage so I'm staying put, so I'm feeding my addiction by watching The Long Way Around. Ewan McGregor is the most perfect specimen of manhood ever. In looks, personality and just sheer manly adventurousness.

This author has come up with an interesting way to make money - purchase a character in his book. Smacks a bit too much of Mad Libs to me.

I just found out that Jarvis is scheduled to come out on my birthday. How very convenient.

This is fucked up beyond belief.

Communication Breakdown

2006-09-28T18:27:00.000-05:00

I have a lovely life. I literally go for years and years and years without enduring any serious kind of conflict with anyone. Much of this is because I am a big pap - I just kind of go with the flow. But I'm learning to hate email this week. Email is fine for arranging to meet for a movie or for a snarky aside about someone at work, but it is fucking horrible otherwise. And this is why. Your tone and your intent is very hard to discern, and subject to both the sender's and receiver's pre-conceived notions and stereotypes. So the answer is to pick up the phone.

Politicians in Britain are falling over themselves trying to be hip and down with the kids. It's a bit on the lame side, I have to say, and I would think a never ending challenge. It does seem to be largely a British phenomenon, but there's some here too. It's still preferable to embracing these values.

My son just went outside and told me it's hailing. I love that dramatic weather. As long as it doesn't hurt my already beat-up car.

Could Borat ask for better publicity?

Dead or Alive

2006-09-24T11:06:00.000-05:00

So, the Scotsman is reporting that Bin Laden is dead. To which I say: Does it really matter? Iraq is completely fucked in any case.

Speaking of Bin Laden, I was flipping through the channels this morning and happened upon Bill Clinton tearing Chris Wallace a new one when he questioned why he didn't go after Bin Laden more vigorously. That was rather entertaining to watch.

This skinny model ban is interesting. I sort of feel like the ideal attitude is acceptance of all healthy bodies, regardless of size, and that beauty comes in all shapes. Although I love this designer who makes clothes for women with real bodies.

I read this story about Prince Charles, and although a little wasteful and prima-donnaish, am hardly overwhelmed by the wanton extravagance of it all. So he gets six eggs cooked and eats the best one? How many eggs does the average McDonald's waste every day?

Here are ten albums to listen to this fall. I'm intrigued by Joanna Newsom, and, as always, Beck.

Buckethead is coming to Raleigh. I'm sort of interested but not sure I could take a whole show of him.

The Best Part of Waking Up...

2006-09-18T19:22:00.000-05:00

I got an email from Folger's (warning: Quicktime), asking if they could advertise on my blog. I'm not interested, but I wonder how much money you would get. Or if you would have to extol the virtues of a crap brand of coffee to earn it. I think I just destroyed my chance of getting asked again.

Willard Wigans makes the most amazing art. I don't even understand how this is possible. The Last Supper inside the eye of a needle is just astonishing. It's one of those talents I don't quite see the point of but am in awe of nevertheless.

I want to go to one of these nightclubs. They're the grown-up equivalent of a bouncy castle. Imagine being wasted inside one of those giant condoms.

Jeez, the Pope. At least he is an equal opportunity offender.

Global warming in Siberia scares the crap out of me. Especially when it's effects (released methane, white lichen dying out, increased lake size) accelerate the process.

My son wants to see that fried worms movie but I just can't do it. Even the trailer revolts me. My son will happily watch this stuff and Fear Factor, and laugh as he eats gummy worms at the same time. Bleagh. He had to buy one of these at the grocery store tonight. It's "contents" are liquified liver, protein shake, duck egg and silkworm cereal.

Here's a movie that I can look forward to. I love Little Britain, especially this pair.

Bounty

2006-09-10T18:51:00.000-05:00

Well, this weekend, inspired by Jenny and her canning prowess, I made pesto, tomato sauce, spiced pear butter and crystallized ginger. And then I baked pumpkin muffins and cinnamon buns. It feels pretty good to open up the freezer and see it filled with yummy food. Sometimes I think I was supposed to be a farmer's wife or something, because I love doing this shit.

I guess there is room for only one Diddy in the UK. So I wonder what he will be called there now? And how can more than one person in the world call themselves by that ridiculous name? I love how the US Diddy describes himself as 'The CEO, The Entertainer, The Humanitarian, The Designer'.

I think this list should be presented to every freshman.

Rupert Everett's autobiography sounds like a good read. He is one of that rare breed that is both hot and funny. And occasionally hetero.

I wonder if they will be serving deep fried coke at the State Fair?

If music be the food of love....

2006-09-03T10:24:00.000-05:00

Paris Hilton has been targeted by a "guerilla artist". You have to wonder if this is some kind of viral marketing - I mean, it's hard to imagine that Paris Hilton could sell any CDs at all without a stunt like this.

This is probably a factor of my age, growing up in the era of the blistering guitar solo, but I like this video:

And there are some artists who have unusual ways of dealing with stage fright.

What songs have been ruined for you by the vagaries of your romantic life?

This song will simultaneously make me sad and horny; it reminds me of my first serious, real grownup heartbreak.

Apparently, your romantic success can be predicted by your lips (the ones on your face, I hasten to add). It appears if you have thinner lips, you have better luck with relationships. I think men with full bottom lips are sexy, but I think a man with full top lips too can kind of look feminine.

Here's an interesting subject for a graphic novel.

Bread and Circuses

2006-08-28T18:26:00.000-05:00

Well, I guess the diversion worked, and was well worth the cost of a few business class roundtrips to Thailand. Thanks, John Karr! It's ironic that AT & T are professing such concern about their customer's privacy, after letting the Feds have their wicked way with them.

Apparently, boys don't need a daddy to turn out to be decent human beings. Though I wish they hadn't cited Tom Cruise as one of their examples. I think a good parent is a good parent is a good parent. And of course it is easier to share parenting, but I think being a good single parent is entirely possible. I can't believe the vitriol directed towards Peggy Drexler. That vitriol should be directed at the sometimes very respectable seeming men who have walked away from their children.

Wouldn't this be cool - free energy? For some reason though, this reminds me of all the fuss about Ginger.

Loks like Keef was abusing an illegal substance when the Stones played at Hampden.

What will us Scorpios do now that our planet has been demoted?

Sunday, Sunday

2006-08-20T19:19:00.000-05:00

Did anyone else have the same thought when they saw this picture of Castro? "Just bring your fist up under your chin and imagine you're weightless and surrounded by seahorses".

OK, maybe I have a dirty mind, but Stand 'N Stuff is a very bad name for a product. Especially a taco shell. Hope it holds a lot of meat.

Even further down on the food chain is McDonalds, who have a lovely warm, fuzzy promotion of a Hummer with your Happy Meal. What a lovely message for children - not only is it ok to eat a nutritionally and environmentally deficient meal, but let's push the most gluttonous vehicle that you can drive as well. Not what Jesus would drive.

This is just dumb.

Guilty as charged

2006-08-13T12:47:00.000-05:00

Do you feel guilty? I feel guilty about so many things that I think guilt is a permanent state of being for me. Here are all the things that make me guilty:

Not spending enough time with my son

Not spending enough time at work

Not having the same things my son's friend's families have

Being an inattentive daughter, sister and friend

Living away from my family

Wanting to move near my family

Using up too many natural resources by having air conditioning, throwing away food and having too much stuff

Perpetuating sexism, racism and discrimination by not calling people out on tasteless jokes or remarks

Perpetuating sweatshops and bad working conditions by not seeking out ethical products or by being cheap

Bitching about other people

Having a shitty car

Not working out enough

Spending too much money

Being fat

Caring about being fat

Being too lazy

Spending too much time doing housework

Not dating

Having a libido

Acting like a submissive girlie

Being boring I know these make no sense at all, and that feeling guilty is pointless, but yet, I am. Of course, I feel guilty about my feelings of guilt.

I do feel a little less guilty about the number of shoes I own. My God, I am a neophyte compared to some of these women, owning maybe twenty-five pairs. I figure in North Carolina, you have to have a lot of shoes - a good collection of sandals for the summer, and good winter shoes too, that can handle ice. Of course, I have huge feet, which might temper any shoe addiction I might have. I have a hard time embracing high heels, which would make me six feet plus.

This whole terror plot that was foiled this week is fascinating to me. Here is a really interesting article about the roots of European Muslim extremism - basically a push-pull between two radically different cultures, mixed with poverty and discrimination, that affects second and subsequent generations Muslims. It certainly highlights to me that a war in Iraq does nothing to combat terrorism, and that perhaps addressing the socio-economic concerns that breed a generation who feel sufficiently disconnected from both their home country and their parent's ideology to embrace such extremism might.

He Said, She Said

2006-08-06T16:33:00.000-05:00

Here's an interesting perspective on the much vaunted shortage of women in science; a man who used to be a women, and some feedback about it. I think this is fascinating; in my workplace, although it's fairly egalitarian, certain tasks seem to fall along gender lines. And even though it shames me to admit it, I contribute to this by unfailingly taking on documentation and testing in lieu of more 'technically challenging' tasks. I think this is due to my own insecurity about my intellectual abilities, and so I want to do useful things. Somewhat akin to offering to do the dishes.

In Britain, both the church and the government are recommending giving up flying in order to have an ethical vacation, due to the vast amount of fuel burned in flight. It's a far cry from these recommendations, which although worthy, don't demand this kind of uncomfortable life change, which somehow seems un-American.

But those big house and big cars sure make people happy. Though high taxes and parental leave seems to make people VERY happy (see Denmark, Iceland and Finland). Whatever happiness is.

In Vino Veritas

2006-07-30T09:21:00.000-05:00

I think it's very interesting to see how people comport themselves when drunk. Mel is horrible; an aggressive anti-Semitic mysogonistic homophobe, whereas Jake seems kind of goofy, if obnoxious.

The last time I got drunk was karaoke night. It was intentional because a) I wasn't driving and b) there's no way I could have sung in public sober. Most of the time I stick to one or two beers; I don't really enjoy getting drunk that much. I'm a flirty, giggly and I'm sure, annoying, drunk. I will probably let you feel me up and there's a good chance I will try to feel you up in return.

I don't think your drunk personality is a reflection of your true personality, but rather those parts of your personality that are under wraps for whatever reason. For me, obviously, being a sensible, responsible single mom, draping myself over people and breathing beery endearments all over them is not something I can do very often. For Mel, being a total sociophobe is obviously frowned on. And Jake is a 'serious' actor most of the time, so acting like a frat boy is probably a blessed relief.

Do tell, what kind of drunk are you, and should I turn tail and run if I meet you in a state of inebriation?

Can you imagine fingerprinting young 'uns flying over here? I guess this is the flipside of using biometrics to identify people. I can't imagine this being done here, in spite of all the talk of erosion of civil liberties. Of course, if you are an immigrant or an asylum seeker, you get fingerprinted plus a lot more, usually a medical exam by a civil surgeon.

I just discovered I worked at two of the five best restaurants in Scotland! One Christmas, when I was a student, I worked at Ballachulish House as a chambermaid; it was absolutely beautiful, surrounded by snowy mountains in the middle of nowhere. And while I was in high school, I worked as a waitress at the Peat Inn.

Apparently, hungry men prefer heavier women. So how many men in this country are hungry? The homeless, the anorexic, teenagers and the dieting?

I know, I know

2006-07-27T17:17:00.000-05:00

Yes, I haven't posted for a while - my son had a show to rehearse for which was pretty intensive, then we took sailing lessons at Lake Crabtree, which I highly recommend. $60 for six hours of lessons (even though one of the instructors was not that great, one of those pretty jocks).

The fifty albums that changed music. What, no Tubular Bells, Avalon, Revolver, A Night at the Opera, Never Mind The Bollocks, Low. I'm sure you can think of many more...

I love this Edinburgh link - I miss it so much, especially during the Festival. Even though it's jam-packed with tourists, there is so much energy and things to do and see. It seems like every church hall or meeting room has some kind of performance in it. It can be hit or miss, but I think that's part of the fun.

Someone blotted their copybook. With a big old splash of testosterone.

This is a strange story about foreign accent syndrome. It's interesting to think how much of your identity is in your voice. And does this mean that we all have the capacity to mimic other accents, we just need to short-circuit some synapse or other to do it?

Another of those people who I thought had already died aeons ago has died.

The Fall fashions are awfully familiar. Leggings, big sweaters, ankle boots, lots of black - what I wore during my twenties pretty much.

Here's fourteen(?) sexy sex scenes. I'm missing out because I've only seen five of them, and I have no desire to see Tom Cruise in a sex scene ever again, because it is just too ludicrous. The one in History Of Violence, where you actually get to see a man giving as well as getting oral sex - good fucking god.

Cheeky Questions

2006-07-06T20:35:00.000-05:00

I think this topic popped into my head, because it seems like whatever you do on the Internet, you have to answer a bunch of nosy questions. It got me thinking about cheeky questions that people ask. Here's some that people have asked me in the past:

What is having a period like?
I think this is probably a question adolescent and immediately post-adolescent boys ask their girlfriends, and my stock answer is 'Exactly how you think it would be like', which is a cop-out I know. But honestly, do you think the average adolescent boy really wants to know? Here's the official answer.

Have you fallen out with your family?
Usually asked by people who live near their family, and have never moved away from them. No, I love and miss everyone in my family very much, I just have a good life here, and it's scary and hard to think of relocating back home on my own.

Have you always been fat?
I'm sorry, but if you ask me this, you're a bitch. No, I haven't always been this fat but I have never been teeny either. And, have you always been that ugly?

Do you worry about your son growing up without a dad?
Well, duh. But what is the point of worrying about something I have no control over? I try and do the best I can, thanks for pointing out my deficiencies.

Here's some questions I would love to ask people, but don't have the nerve:

How come you have so much money?

How come you have so little money?

How can you stand living with him/her?

Do you have any idea what an asshole you are?

Do you have any idea how hot you are?

How can you be so conceited?

Do you think I'm pretty? Yes, I am insecure and judgemental; why do you ask?

This kind of shocked me; apparently one in four Americans feels like they have no close friends. If you consider that 55% (or thereabouts) of Americans have a partner (and therefore presumably, have at least one close friend), that means that about half of all single people feel completely friendless. That is astonishing and sad.

I love this dress. It's a pretty good deal too.

That hot dog eating competition grosses me out. Over 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes? It makes me feel queasy just to think about it. Reading about training for competitive eating makes me barf a little in my mouth.

God's People

2006-07-02T09:16:00.000-05:00

Well, we're coming up to the 4th July, which is making me ponder a superficial question. What makes an American look American? I only know that they stick out like a sore thumb in a crowd of other nationalities. My son does not look 'American' to me. yet he has lived all his life here.

Americans to me always seem a bit more confident, and simultaneously a bit more wholesome and naive than other nationalities. They talk a little louder and move a little faster. And seem a little more oblivious to nuance, though having lived here for a while, I think sometimes this is a conscious choice rather than cluelessness. These are not necessarily bad things - I grew up in an atmosphere where people were crippled by nuance, and not wanting to draw attention to themselves.

Then of course, there are superficial matters like clothing and hair and makeup. I pretty much refuse to wear athletic shoes as everyday shoes, and always will; I will not wear baggy clothing because I like my shape even though I'm fat and ought to feel ashamed of it; I think a little makeup is better than both none or the full works; I hate khakis; I take great care not to get tan. I think all of these things make me look un-American.

I think Americans prize looking casual, informal, active and approachable, no matter what their station in life is. I think they like to look like they have a lot of leisure time, which of course they don't, as they work harder than anyone else. I know this is a hugely broad stereotype, but it is kind of fun to paint with large strokes sometimes.

Not entirely off-topic, Susie Bright had a couple of totally brilliant posts lately: How to Ruin a Women's Sex Life in 30 days or less and The Straight Man's Guide to Lousy Sex. Not that I have anything to ruin, but I thought these posts were both hilarious and perceptive, and unfortunately, I have known both that woman and that man, and even more unfortunately, I have known that man in the biblical sense, which was as bad as you might imagine.

Son of Cooking Club

2006-06-29T20:04:00.000-05:00

I have to say, Mykull and I have not been too brilliant at keeping up with our Cooking Club, but we finally made something! We decided to make Honey and Lavender Ice Cream.

We made it with honey that Mykull made from his butt. Actually, it came from a beehive under his house that the bee keeper who took the hive away extracted for us. It's really fragrant and delicious, and so we wanted something that would showcase it.

As in our previous forays into home-made ice cream, it was a three day process. It didn't actually take very long to make, but you have to let the ice cream mixture get really, really cold before bunging it in the ice cream maker, and then you should let the ice cream ripen in the freezer once you're all done. We started on Saturday about forty minutes before going to see 'An Inconvenient Truth', which, as Minty says, is a must see. And you have to go see it because Al told us to tell everyone we know to see it, and it's thought provoking, and entertaining and kind of inspiring at the end. Though I felt a bit guilty because the Carolina Theater had the AC cranked way up.

Anyway, back to the ice cream, which I mentioned to Mykull on the way back, is a total energy sink - heating up stuff that's cold from the refrigerator, chilling it again, then freezing it. We infused the cream with the dried lavender flowers, which kind of smell like old ladies panties, for half an hour. Then we beat the eggs and honey together and gradually added the warm cream, and made a kind of hurried and mildly scrambled custard before going to the movie.

We let the mixture chill overnight. It looked kind of gross to be honest, but smelled fabulous. Then on Sunday, I emptied out my cupboards to find all the fiddly bits of the ice cream maker, and we bunged in the mixture, and in the time it took to drink a beer, it was ready!

We put it in the freezer to ripen, and on Monday, we ate it. It was awesome, I have to say, and much better than our previous foray into ice cream (which I can't believe I didn't blog about, because it was v-e-r-y involved). I think the pinch of salt and the extreme sweetness are the key. Doing all that waiting around is totally worth it too, because it was really smoove - like Haagen-Daaz.

Another RIP

2006-06-26T18:32:00.000-05:00

Aaron Spelling, father of many a guilty addiction just died. I was incredibly surprised to find out he is Scottish, per Wikipedia. That just doesn't seem right - I thought he was Jewish, and honestly, I don't remember ever meeting anyone Jewish in Scotland.

Anyway, one of the cultural differences between the UK and the USA that has always puzzled me is soap operas, particularly the ones Mr. Spelling produced. In the UK, soap operas like Coronation St. and Eastenders are centered around working class pubs, have a multi-generational cast, and a pretty good smattering of unglamorous or clownish characters. The storylines are often a bit far-fetched sometimes, but on the gritty side of life, with some sardonic working class humor thrown in.

In the USA, soap operas are about impossibly rich and powerful people, and are usually centred on one family, rather than a community of characters. Everyone is beautiful and is coated in bling, and the storylines are improbable.

Maybe it says something about the relative values of each country; community in the UK and money and power in the US? But American soap operas are also enormously popular in the UK, though not the reverse. What does our respective taste in soap operas say about us?

I found this blog courtesy of the BBC. This is very interesting to me, as the man who writes this blog is almost my complement (American living 15 years in the UK). I revere the BBC because I feel like I learn things I don't even hear about in the American media, but he has the utmost disdain for them. I didn't read anything that indicates his opinion of the American media; maybe it's buried further down in his blog.

Anyway, the BBC link is interesting, but it failed to mention what to me is the whole attraction about blogs; it's a way of building community. Plus I like the discipline of having to write something every few days. Maybe one day, I will do some 'real' writing.

OK, here's one of most beautiful things about Scotland that doesn't get too much publicity - take a look at these stunning Scottish beaches.

RIP TOTP

2006-06-21T20:05:00.000-05:00

A huge part of my youth has come to an end - Top of The Tops is being pulled the air after 42 years.

I think Thursday evenings were sacrosanct for me from the age of about eight until about twenty-four or so, so I could watch Top of the Pops. It was a great, great show at a time when music was not available on demand like it is now.

Check out Duran Duran and their horrible lip-syncing - but didn't they look awesome? This clip reminds me so much of going out dancing with my girlfriends at the Student Union after drinking Black Russians and smoking up a storm in someone's dorm room, and teasing up our hair and putting on gobs of makeup. And having a humongous crush on my best friend's big brother, and hoping we would run into him, which we invariably did, and which imprinted me with being slightly turned on by stale beer breath. And from an earlier time, Queen. Now this reminds me of school dances which were always in the cafeteria which still smelled of custard and stew, and always ending up with the dweebie guy and being mortified about it, instead of accepting this as the natural order of things. And pretending not to be totally clueless, which I was until a scarily advanced age. Ah, memories. Ooh, I had to add this one too. I fucking love this song.

Happy Father's Day!

2006-06-18T07:59:00.000-05:00

I want this T-shirt for Father's Day. I'm a piss poor father; I throw like a girl, and I can't hammer a nail in straight. I probably need an instruction book to fix a bicycle flat. My attempts at carving the turkey at Thanksgiving are less than Rockwellesque. I think I need to brush up my skills at fathers.com. Or I could buy this deeply politically incorrect book. I blame growing up with two sisters; I grew up a girly girl, apart from a year or so of being a tomboy when I was 11 or 12, and I am sadly deficient in manly skills and sadly proficient in very unfashionable girly skills.

Though maybe I'm not such a bad dad in a world where David Beckham is held up as a good example of a father. I don't think superlative fathers instigate newspaper articles like this one and this one.

Speaking of football, I feel for Ronaldo. Though as a fatty, I can't think of anything more weight-loss/getting into shape inducing than running around on a soccer pitch in front of the whole world, and the president of your country calling you fat in public. Good god, that would make me staple my stomach pronto.

I have been kind of sort of following the World Cup, and England have not been great so far, although they're doing ok in their group.

Back to parenting though, I'm enjoying the schadenfreude of uber-mom Marie Osmond enduring her rebellious daughters. It does make me want to keep my son ignorant of MySpace as long as possible.

Truff of Despondency

2006-06-12T20:33:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty much getting over the whole wallet thing, but have had a couple of other minor things happen that have bummed me out. I feel very subdued these days - not exactly depressed but not very upbeat either. I wish I had some of these haggis truffles, they sound pretty good. I would totally eat these; haggis is good stuff if you don't think about it too much, plus I am in the mood to indulge in maudlin homesickness.

OK, this headline is very unfortunate. I hope the break dancing competitions were not in the nude, though I do picture bowler hats and sock suspenders. On a related note, John Cleese is retiring, because he can't top Fawlty Towers.

They keep playing trailers for that stupid, sappy Lake House movie. I think the premise is Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock live in the same lake house two years apart but somehow communicate with each other. What would happen if he farted? Would she smell it? Or if he cut the house from it's moorings and took it on a wild ride? Now either one of those would be a good movie.

Soapbox time; a list of male privileges. I think there are probably a few female privileges that we take for granted; here's a few:

Your worth is measured in many different ways other than your income.

If you cry, in general, people will feel sympathy and not discomfort or disgust.

If you are a naturally quiet, submissive person, it will not be considered a defect.

If you are even moderately pretty and minimally charming, you will get free goods and services.

You will be able to form close relationships with members of either sex that are nurturing and intimate, without being sexual.

You can give birth.

You can appropriate opposite sex behaviors and dress and it's considered cute, not deviant. Anyone think of anymore?

I'm a big touristy dork; I would like to see the Parade of Sails. But I would definitely not like to see Train. Bleagh.

School's Out For Summer

2006-06-09T20:06:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I always get a little bit excited when my son gets out of school for the summer, even though all it really means is we swap going to school for going to camp, and I have to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day. I wish I could give him the experience of a lazy, carefree summer (hell, I wish I could give myself the experience of a lazy, carefree summer), but it is not to be.

I think someone ought to make a restaurant guide like this one for Durham. Hmmm.... somewhere to cheat on someone should probably be your place or their place because Durham is a small, small town, and you always run into someone you know. I think Francesca's would be a good place to dump someone, as they can always console themselves with cake and icecream, and not with alcohol. Someplace to take someone you only want to fuck....hmmm, somewhere with light, sexy food and good cocktails? God, I wouldn't know - any ideas? Place to make a scene? Somewhere with a controversial reputation - well, we're already in Durham. How about Blue Corn Cafe? - then your scene can spill out onto 9th Street.

This woman is inspiringly cheap. I would love to spend this little on food and eat so well. I do have some stock-piling impulse though, in that I always want to have a cupboard full of food. Since my recent 'troubles', though, (see last post), I have been cutting into my supplies some.

Well, I guess the World Cup has started in earnest. Of course, Scotland never had a prayer of qualifying. And apparently, a lot of Scots (including the First Minister) have decided not to support England. This is so typical of Scottish thinking - "Let's not support England, who might have a chance, but let's support Trindidad and Tobago". According to my mum, local bakeries are making England cookies, and they are being bought for the sole purpose of destruction in a spirit of sour grapes.

I don't know what to think about the death of Al-Zarqawi . Is it really going to make a difference? I just remember the jubilation after the capture of Saddam Hussein, and yet, did it decrease the violence in Iraq or lead closer to a resolution in the war? I find the dead face image very disturbing, as I did with the Husseins. To me, it seems inflammatory and dehumanizing, which I think is ultimately dangerous and destructive.

My Life is like a Movie

2006-06-03T17:37:00.000-05:00

Unfortunately, it's a movie by Todd Solondz. My wallet got swiped at work, where the front desk are obnoxious about checking your ID badge, but not, apparently, about monitoring the freight elevator when people are moving office. It had everything in it - credit cards, driver's license, health insurance cards, and some really adorable pictures of my son. I just have to make sure I postpone my nervous breakdown until after I can prove I have insurance again. At least I got rid of my lesbian prison wardress picture on my license. It now has a rather sad-eyed picture on it, but I do look like a girl.

My colleagues were awesome and supportive about it, which helps a lot. But it does make me feel awfully vulnerable.

On a different note, as a British person, the new Ocean Spray commercials make me laugh. Straight from the bog is a horrible catchphrase for anything liquid. Especially white cranberry juice which looks like pee anyway.

Is this not one of the most fucking awesome things you have ever seen?

I am never, ever giving up chocolate. Not only is it delicious, it is healthy, and good for your skin, and you can even lose weight on it - I have. You just can't eat a shitload of it.

Speaking of yummy food, Amelia's is my new favorite place for a treat - great coffee, and good cakes. There are a couple of other celebrated bakeries in Durham which to my mind are completely overrated, as you can taste their stuff is made from a mix. Sure, they look pretty, but taste like hydrogenated vegetable fat. Amelia's kicks their butt, as far as I'm concerned. Plus you can sit outside without getting car fumes in your face.

A Philosophical Question

2006-05-28T09:33:00.000-05:00

My son absolutely cracks me up sometimes. We were in the car the other day, and he asked me 'What does a booger smell like, mom?', which made me laugh and laugh and laugh. Because really, who would know?

I'm amazed at how the internet can stretch out people's allotted fifteen minutes of fame. This man accidentally ended up on air as a pundit en route to a job interview on the BBC. Though I have to say, a lot of times pundits just restate the bleeding obvious, but with authority and confidence. Especially the financial and health pundits. Though I like Suze Orman, because she touches on the psychological aspects of money. And what qualifies this man to give advice about health and money?

I'm trying to be more mindful about consumption; I'm not doing fabulously, but given that I have a raging sweet tooth, I'm trying to eat this chocolate rather than more contentious brands.

It's been twenty years since Newsweek's infamous study. What I can't get over is the whole focus on women - like men don't want to be married? I think every single person in the world dreams of meeting their soulmate, but (Western) women now have economic power which changes the imperative of marrying from need to want. Very definitely a positive development for everyone concerned, I would think.

And I can't even say anything about the earthquake which is unspeakably tragic. Please consider making a donation.

Entertain Me...

2006-05-21T17:58:00.000-05:00

There's this competition that happens every year in Europe, the Eurovision Song Contest, which is a cheesefest of spectacular portions. It always features the cruddiest music ever, with the odd gem. Also featured are the very best in shiny, tight catsuits and other nationality transcending fashions.

It was compulsory viewing for me and my sisters growing up, when we were little and thought glamor was measured by how shiny your lipgloss was, and how high your platform boots were. For some reason, this year's competition registered on my radar, probably because the contestants were so ludicrous. The winners sound like Alice Cooper with laryngitis singing the theme song to an anime cartoon.

This is pretty entertaining. Hard to believe the Sex Pistol's interview was considered shocking at the time, because they said 'Fuck' and 'Shit'. It seems so tame now, when Pete Doherty does things like this.

Women now are apparently all regarded by the government as pre-pregnant, and are supposed to treat themselves accordingly. So basically, the premise is that because so many pregnancies are unplanned, women should just act like it's likely to happen. Of course, as it gets harder and harder to obtain contraception, maybe this is actually becoming true. The only upside is maybe I can get my son to clean the cat's litterbox, as cat poop is like kryptonite to pregos.

Here is a nice summary of a woman's experience of a British summer. I'm still guilty of the last three every summer.

I finally got to meet Jenny, who is beautiful and funny and charming. Jerry, you are the only holdout from my People list....

Oh Mother

2006-05-14T09:54:00.000-05:00

Well, it's Mother's Day, and fittingly, I am channeling my inner Ma Walton, waking up to a houseful (four) of kids. Even though it's more work, I absolutely love when kids sleep over at my house. It makes it feel so cozy, and I like making chocolate chip pancakes and bacon for them, which I would never do for just myself and my son. My son had his birthday party yesterday, which consisted of putting up his soccer goal and his volleyball net, making some birthday treats, ordering in some Chinese and staying the hell out of the way of the kids.

I saw something really weird; my son was goofing around with his friends, and I noticed him doing the exactly the same kind of funny dancing schtick with them that my ex-husband used to do, which of course he has never seen. So bizarre.

The other thing that intrigues me about my son is I think he's popular. I was never, and will never be, popular (or unpopular for that matter). I think I'm just kind of a quiet eccentric, which is ok by me.

Here are some family values I can really get behind. And here is the logical conclusion of Bush's anti-women, anti-sex education, anti-contraception and anti-abortion flavor of family values (even though it's in the UK, but you know what I mean).

Two awesome visionaries bought the farm recently, J.K. Galbraith and Jane Jacobs. I think if I had known Galbraith, I would have had an almighty crush on him; arrogant, charismatic, and an advocate for the underdog. Sigh. He wrote a critique of the American way of life, The Affluent Society, which took issue with living in affluence amid public squalor, and was involved with implementing the New Deal.

Jane Jacobs was an aficionado of urban life. Not the faux communities that seem to be the mode now, but real urban life, with neighborhood hangouts and corner shops and real characters.

Some wonderful person scanned Rosy Grier's Needlepoint for Men and posted it on Flicker. Needlepoint and knitting both use graphs, so I could knit from those charts, and I am absolutely itching to knit a Samurai bag.

Lost Weekend

2006-05-08T18:14:00.000-05:00

Bad Twin, a book written by a passenger of Oceanic Air Flight 1815, the crashing of which provided the premise of the 'Lost' TV show, has knocked The Da Vinci Code off the top of Amazon's best-seller list. Mykull has been drawing me into his Lost obsession, which could easily describe a goodly portion of my weekend. So in addition to the TV show and this book, there is a slew of websites, some red-herrings, some made by fan-boys, with hours and hours of diverting links and clues.

I have to admit to not watching for a while, but now my interest has been re-piqued. I think my favorite character is Sawyer, because his dialogue is like the drifter in the black hat in a bad Western right before he rapes the sheriff's daughter in the hay loft ('Well, well, well, lookee here').

Do you want to depress yourself? Find out how little the average CEO has to work to earn your salary. Then you can read the stories on the website about corporate exploitation of the 99.999 out of 100 workers who are not CEOs.

Why don't they do the Beltane thing here? I personally would enormously enjoy seeing a festival like this in the Bible Belt. With lots of naked blue people gyrating around a fire, worshipping the almighty, sturdy, erect Maypole. Maybe this is where The Blue Man Group originated.

My parent's part of Scotland seems quite comfortable with paganism - there's a witch in the next village over from my parents, and she is quite the respectable pillar of the community.

I really liked Jenny's pictoral manifestation of her emotional state. Mine for a PMS-y rainy day would be a peeled snail walking a tight-rope over a bucket of acid. But I can't find a picture of that.

All work and no play

2006-05-05T15:30:00.001-05:00

I saw this interesting post by Germaine Greer in the The Guardian.

Her premise is that most women's leisure activities are a variation of work (shopping, grooming, cooking etc) and I'm not entirely sure I agree with her.

I do totally agree with her about shopping; I hate going to the mall, and I hate shopping although I love clothes. I think going clothes shopping with friends is the most mind-numbing, boring, spirit breaking activity in existence. Which is why I don't do it except as an occasional act of love.

Grooming things like getting your hair done or manicures are pretty enjoyable, in my opinion. And honestly, I think the physical difference when you get your hair or nails done is pretty minimal; it's more of a psychological boost. Whatever anyone does to me, I still look pretty much the same, more's the pity, but I feel better.

And I have long held the opinion that looking down on 'domestic pursuits' is kind of anti-woman, given that we have historically cooked and cleaned and sewed; I much prefer this perspective. I like cooking and sewing and knitting; I like that I don't HAVE to do it, but that I can, and it makes my life a little cozier. And I appreciate men who can do these things too.

I think you could make the argument that 'male' leisure past-times are also variants of work in that a lot of them are basically hunting in one form or another.

Here's my list of leisure activities I do enjoy, that I do too little of these days. I've omitted the carnal ones because they're a given, and trump anything else on this list.

Getting mildly buzzed and listening to good music, either live or on CD

OK, this one's lame. Board games, especially those with some charade-type component. But only with people I know well.

Being on a boat with a beer at sunset.

Climbing a cold, windy Scottish hill with a flask of spiked coffee and then boiling eggs on a propane stove for lunch.

Seeing some challenging, thought-provoking performance.

Reading a good newspaper with a giant pot of coffee by my side.

Sledding with my son and then coming inside for hot chocolate.

People watching in a city square or park or piazza.

Hiking all day with friends and then going home and making a huge pot of pasta and drinking too much wine with said friends.

Snoozing in a hammock.

Travelling somewhere I've never been, with no itinerary and no plans.

Getting a giggle fit. I make no apologies for the dorkiness of this list. On a related note, my work as a mom is worth $86,010, according to mom.salary.com. Though I'm kind of a crappy mom, so maybe it would be more like $70,000. Still, not shabby!

I'm just waiting for the Christian Right to ban the tritone interval. It always sends a pleasant shiver up my spine whenever I hear it.

I guess they're too busy trying to boycott The Da Vinci Code movie. I want to boycott it too, but not for religious reasons; just that it's based on a crappy, crappy book written by a total hack (who is two years younger than me!) and Tom Hanks hair in it skeeves me out.

Books and Values

2006-04-30T10:27:00.000-05:00

My son and I went to the Ann Patchett/Allan Gurganus discussion about what you can and can't teach young writers. I was so proud of my son that he was attentive and engaged by the discussion. He's so frigging awesome.

Ann Patchett talked about her friendship with Lucy Grealy, who suffered with a facial deformity, which really struck some chords with me. For one, I was ashamed of my countrymen when she described an incident in Aberdeen (where I went to school) where Lucy was taunted about her deformity. Ann's sensitivity and insight was very moving to me, and the subsequent discussion about ethics really interesting.

One of the hard things about being a mother is seeing my son, who is kind and sensitive and creative and very perceptive of other people's needs, grow up in a world where these attributes, are, for the most part, not valued. I was very glad for him to go to a public event where two people who exhibit those characteristics are celebrated and heard.

It does make me mad that we use all kinds of shortcuts for evaluating people; for kids, it's grades and athletic prowess; for women, looks; for men, money and career success. And we focus far too much on fixing those things so that we fall into the 'acceptable' category, and things like integrity, kindness and intellectual curiosity sometimes fall by the wayside. Raising a child who values these more ephemeral attributes, but who also 'passes' in regular middle-class society is a continual challenge.

Anyway, onto something lighter; here are Mykull's excellent liner notes to his excellent mix. As always, his taste is impeccable; I love that Mykull is firmly in touch with his inner Euroslut. Morrissey looks fabulous these days – maybe his break with celibacy with some Italian bloke suits him. I do have to take issue with the 'token Scottish band' – what about the Delgados and Belle and Sebastian, hmmm?? And I used to think Beck was sexy, in his Midnite Vulture days, but not anymore since I found out he's a clam.

Scientology is a passion killer in the same league as male ponytails or dungarees.

Mykull's CD

Track	Artist	Comments
Sexual Chocolate	Hot Chip	Best. Lyrics. Ever. "Give me some of your darkest, creamiest chocolate. Tastes like chocolate never tasted before. I need to try some of your richest chocolate. I can't take this chocolate yearning baby no more.".
Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep	Lush	This song, by the original band, was on the soundtrack to Breakfast on Pluto. The movie where Minty and I turned to each other during every song and said, "I really love this song." Here Lush makes the bizarre pop song dreamy and creamy. Btw, what twisted fuck writes a song about a baby bird whose momma and poppa have disappeared?
I Will See You in Far Off Places	Morrissey	MORRISEY, I MUST HAVE YOUR BABY CHIRREN!!!!
Calleth You, Cometh Il	The Ark	I loveth them.
Stacked Crooked	The New Pornographers	Some day I am going to create a mix CD of indie workout songs. Neko Case's soaring voice on this tune will make you run twice as fast and lift twice as much.
The Power Is On!	The Go! Team	And this song will make you run ten times as fast and lift ten times as much.
Take Another Little Piece of My Heart	Dusty Springfield	I totally would have had sex with Dusty. Too bad she was a big ol' lesbo.
Tits on the Radio	Scissor Sisters	I've never thought about it before, but it is so true: there are no tits on the radio!
Song for Sunshine	Belle & Sebastian	Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty. (Notice the iambic pentameter rhythm.)
I Wanna Be Adored	The Stone Roses	I don't know why, but this song means more to me than anything. If I had to choose between the existence of this song and my dad, I would choose this song. (But I suppose that's not fair—I would choose a deaf albino toad over my dad.)
All You Need Is Hate	Delgados	Thank God I finally have plenty of something I need.
Worms	Beth Orton	Cutest lyrics ever: "Worms don't dance / they haven't got the chance." (Well, her worm might not dance, but mine totally does.)
Destroy Everything You Touch	Ladytron	Their new album sucks monkey butt but this hit single is classic.
1969	Boards of Canada	Token Scottish Band
Koko	Goldfrapp	I find it fascinating when a dance diva sings like an opera diva.
In the Waiting Line	Zero 7 (Koop Remix)	I was going to put Sia's "Breathe Me" on this mix but then I knew it'd make Pinky and Minty cry, so I decided to use a song from Sia's earlier band, a song beautifully remixed by the luscious Koop.
Ghettochip Malfunction (Hell Yes)	Beck	To anyone out there, including many of my female friends, who think Beck is sexy: Ick. But is his music sexy? Hell yes!
Bonus Mystery Song for Minty!!!!!	Mystery Artist!!!!!	Remix by Depeche Mode & Fatboy Slim!!!!!

Knitty Gritty

2006-04-26T19:01:00.000-05:00

Well, you all know I will try and knit just about anything - I just found a new source of inspiration. I don't know where this knitting obsession came from - a lot of it is mental; I actually think it makes a big difference to my state of mind, and helps make me the reasonably calm person I am most of the time. Plus homemade socks are awesome! Let me know if you ever want a pair...

Some other things that I find therapeutic are doing this blog thing, though most of the time I don't say anything of much import, and music, which I crank up whenever I do dishes and housework (which is a fair slice of my free time). Exercise helps a bit too, but not as much as those other things.

Why is this man getting some? He just had a highly publicised affair (how bourgeois) with his secretary, who is 23 years younger. I swear, it's a man's world. A woman of the same age and equivalent attractiveness would not be knocking boots with her young male secretary, I'm pretty sure.

These commercials freak me out. If you haven't seen them, they feature a car of people (usually a Benetton-like mix of colors and ages) chatting up their wives, or the movie they just saw, when suddenly out of the blue they slam into another car. My knee-jerk reaction is not favorable to VW - now VWs and crashing are inextricably linked in my brain, instead of VWs and pot, or VWs and bobos or VWs and mystery solving teens.

I totally want to pimp a snack for cooking club some day. It would be great to pimp a giant Peep (a Peemp?), even though they are completely inedible.

Here's a concept - a Christian sexual aids store. I was more than a little disappointed that there were no actual Christian sex toys. Just don't use the Angel Gabriel condoms - they totally don't work.

My son saw this gadget that translate your cat's meows. I don't need a gadget to tell me what my cats want:
6:00 am smelly butt in my face = Get up and feed me bitch
Sitting on computer = Get up and feed me bitch
Stare = Get up and feed me bitch
Well, you get the picture...

My Turn!

2006-04-22T18:41:00.000-05:00

Isn't that what Andy Rooney says or something? For some reason, I have a big spike in visitors, and after reading Jerry's post about what particular quest leads people to his blog, I decided to look at my sitemeter. I hardly ever look at it, to be honest, because I want to know exactly who is looking and how much they liked it, and the cheapo free version doesn't really tell you that.

What it does say is that lots of people find my blog by searching for this picture and this one. In all different languages. I probably just doubled my visitors in this very post.

I expect if I just type the words: 'Mom' 'Foreign' 'Double D' 'Pre-teen Son', all of which are words which could conceivably come up in any of my posts, I will bump up my score some more. Let's wait and see.

I thought the Swiss were the biggest chocolate eaters in the world, but no: the Brits have them beat. And that's with me living outside Britain. Oh well, I guess the Swiss are good at other things.

As promised (threatened?), here are my liner notes. If you want a CD and didn't get one, let me know and I'll happily burn for you

Marianne's CD

Track	Artist	Comments
Waterloo Sunset	The Kinks	This is my favorite Kinks song. Somehow it makes me feel nostalgic for a life I haven't lived. And it's nice to have a dirty old river in a song that's not the Mississippi. I wonder whatever happened to Terry and Julie.
So Long, Marianne	Leonard Cohen	My ex-hubbie would sing this song to me, clapped out old hippy that he was – strangely prescient. I like that you can totally tell that Leonard Cohen is Canadian- he definitely says 'aboot'. Did you know he used to date Rebecca de Mornay – talk about an odd couple.
Hunted by a Freak	Mogwai	A Scottish band that has channeled depression and social alienation and twistedness into a beautiful thing, like so many other Scottish bands. It's our greatest national treasure, next to our award winning nutrition habits and whisky.
I Want A Little Sugar In My Bowl	Nina Simone	Forget about milkshakes and humps and licking backs and cracks, this is such a great expression of female sexuality that is tons more erotic. Strange to imagine Nina grew up in this red state.
Sex Dwarf	Soft Cell	A great work-out tune, though the Lakewood Y is sadly lacking in sex dwarves.
So Sad	The Softies	A sweet, wistful song about the decline of love. The perfect soundtrack for self pity. Not that I ever indulge in that.
You're The Best Thing	The Style Council	This song makes me want to fall in love with someone, it's so fucking romantic. I love Paul Weller's voice – it's so distinctive.
Party Fears Two	The Associates	Another Scottish band and one of my favorite songs ever. Completely uncategorizable and completely brilliant.
The Funeral	Band Of Horses	I downloaded this and really like it. It's sad but definitely not sappy. I bet they're awesome live.
The Reaper	HIM	A great cover of a great song. But it does need more cowbell.
Word On A Wing	David Bowie	Station to Station is my favorite Bowie album. And I think this may be my favorite song on it, even though it's about the baby Jesus.
The Windmills Of Your Mind	Dusty Springfield	Singing this is just about akin to singing the phonebook, but Dusty could pull it off. Let me ask you – is the jingle in your pocket or the jingle in your head?
The Nurse	The White Stripes	This song polarizes people – I really like it. I just imagine Meg White being a Nell-like creature on the drums, and that mixed up with the cheery marimba and the paranoid lyrics, just make for a great song.
Cuts Across The Land	The Duke Spirit	I downloaded this on the strength of the name expecting to find something I would hate, but I actually like it a lot. They're from London, and sound old-school in a good way.
Melt Your Heart	Jenny Lewis	A lovely redhead with a lovely voice singing a lovely song about the stupid things we all do.
Black Cab	Jens Lekman	I don't know anything about this artist at all, but I like his voice which has a Jonathan Richman quality to it. I just like this song dammit.
Blunt Picket Fence	Giant Drag	It's hard to believe Giant Drag is just two people. I love the guitar on this./
Marian	Nouvelle Vague	A great cover of Sisters of Mercy. Honestly, I'm not egotistical, I just like this song. Some songs are definitely improved by a bossa nova beat and being sung phonetically by a French chick who has never heard the original.

Minty The Minx

2006-04-15T19:22:00.000-05:00

Hooray! After a long hiatus (and a bunch of no-shows), I have a new mix CD from Minty! And I have one in the pipeline which I will probably post in a week or so. I love it - a good representation of Scots on it, plus some songs I haven't heard plus some songs I liked and haven't heard for ages. I forgot how much I like that Elvis Costello/Burt Bacharach CD that came out a wee while ago. And Mark Knopfler really is from Scotland - I had to look it up but he really is!

In unrelated news, I want to claw my eyeballs out, and plunge them in a bucket of icy water. I hate pollen.

Anyhoo, here are her delightful and informative liner notes:
Minty's CD

Track	Artist	Comments
I think it's Going To Rain Today	Randy Newman	I promise they won't ALL be sad songs, but this one is.
Mad World	Michael Andrews	I loved it when Tears for Fears did it, but this version from Donnie Darko is really great. I find it kind of funny. I find it kind of sad.
Wond'ring Aloud	Jethro Tull	See, I told you they wouldn't all be sad. "And it's only the giving that makes you what you are". Ian Anderson is the first of three on this mix who were born in Scotland. My grandmother was born there too.
Wicked Little Town	Hedwig and the Angry Inch	I love Hedwig, and I kiss the ground that John Cameron Mitchell walks on.
May You Never	John Martyn	Another of those Scots I like so much. One question, though: How can you be in a barroom fight without losing your temper?
Accidentally Like A Martyr	Warren Zevon	This was one of the few non-wacky songs on the album "Excitable Boy". Jackson Browne and Karla Bonoff sing background. They were probably all high on cocaine. Ah, the 70s.
To Sir, With Love	Lulu	The theme song from one of my all-time favorite movies. It was hard to believe Lulu was one of the poor kids in the movie - she had a lot more cute outfits than the others did, and lots of big earrings.
Each Coming Night	Iron and Wine	It's like Sam is whispering this one right in your ear. And his gigantic beard is tickling your ear.
Suzanne	Leonard Cohen	My mom loved Leonard Cohen. This was one of her favorites.
The Tiny Goat	The Gothic Archies	Sad and funny at the same time. If anyone's good at that, it's Stephin Merritt. The beginning of the goat-themed portion of this mix.
Your Belgian Things	Mountain Goats	I don't have anything clever to say about this one. All Music Guide calls it "cryptically lovely". I concur. End of goat theme.
The Dangling Conversation	Simon & Garfunkel	I may pretend to be an indie hipster, but I'm really a closet folkie. Shhh - don't tell anyone!
This House Is Empty Now	Elvis Costello	OK, so this one's REALLY sad, but Elvis sings it beautifully.
Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)	Nancy Sinatra	Sonny Bono wrote this. Quentin Tarantino used it in Kill Bill, Volume I. Picture Nancy Sinatra in her groovy white boots.
This Girl Is A Woman Now	Gary Puckett & The Union Gap	I used to adore Gary Puckett, but looking back I think he was kind of a creepy perv. I mean, all his songs are about boinking underage girls. I'm pretty sure "she's learning to live" means "she is having sex with me"
Bitches Aint Shit	Ben Folds	I know it's kind of uncool to like Ben Folds, but I just can't help myself. And you KNOW how much I like the swearing, so of course I fucking love this.
Father and Son	Cat Stevens	Ooops there's my closet folkie coming out again. But this one was in Harold and Maude, so it's cool.
Haven't We Met?	Mel Torme	I was six when I first heard Mel Torme, and I've loved him ever since. What an amazing voice. He melts me. This begins the Romeo and Juliet portion of the mix.
Romeo & Juliet	Dire Straits	See how I put those together? I'm so celver. Mark Knopfler is from Scotland, too. Did you know that?
Hallelujah	Jeff Buckley	Another Leonard Cohen song. So many people have covered it, but I have a special love for this version. RIP Jeff.

Above the Influence

2006-04-12T19:58:00.000-05:00

Well, I guess they just announced the finalists in the Webby awards (however relevant or not they may be anymore), and I saw the Above The Influence website is one of the nominees.

Every single time the ad where the kid tries to put his fist in his mouth comes on, my son and I both try to jam our fists in our mouth. Every. Single. Time. One of these days, one of us will end up in the ER and have to explain the Above The Influence ad made us do it.

Some of the nominees that also caught my eye were:
Beastblender, with rather a limited roster of beasts, but cool idea. Watch Me Change (flash), complete with porno sound track and cottage-cheesey looking bodies.
Maori Showbands; somewhat of a niche.
Off the Map, kind of cool outsider art.

I also took a look at McSweeney's, (is this affiliated with Dave Egger's McSweeney's?).

I always think they publish the Best Crime Writing books, which they don't. I absolutely love these books.

Well, anyway, I found this article about sleep positions, and I'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe that any couples ever sleep like this, unless the guy is on top and fell asleep mid-coitus. I sleep on my front in the 'freefall' position, which apparently makes me brash, gregarious and thin-skinned, whereas I believe myself to be unbrash, ungregarious and thick-skinned. Plus we are approaching the time of year when my feet have to hang over the side of the bed with no covers, to remain that way until about September. What does your sleep position say about you?

The host of Desert Island Discs is leaving after many years. This show is like the killer app for radio - it is such a fabulous concept, and I love looking at the playlists of people I like.

Here's something interesting - there is not one single camper van (aka RV) in the whole of Britian for the month of June. They're all off to the World Cup! I think a fish and chip van following that caravan could clean up.

Last but not least - yay! And just for a change, he doesn't look like a portly Spy-Vs-Spy

Lentend

2006-04-08T18:44:00.000-05:00

Easter is fast approaching, which I think is the official end of candy season (Halloween through Easter). But Easter's not just about chocolate bunnies and jelly beans (though this bunny is pretty fucking awesome, and I LOVE cream eggs). It's about Easter baking. That Simnel cake looks a little light on the marzipan, in my opinion. Marzipan - glaaargh. I have the taste buds of a 75 year old woman - marzipan? mmmmm! oatmeal? mmmmm! prunes (which now seem to have been unnecessarily glamorized as dried plums)? mmmmm! oxtail soup? mmmmm! milky tea? mmmm! ginger? mmmmm!

This carousel, built from kid's drawings, is the coolest carousel I have ever seen. Though I have to say, I think it might induce nightmares in the overly sensitive. My favorite is the mutant chihuahua. Not all of those animals seems to provide a natural seat.

Tartan Day in New York was a washout, which is somehow fitting. Typically Scottish both meteorologically and philosophically.

Poor Leif Garrett. The years, and the drugs, have not been kind. He used to be such a fresh faced cutie.

Here's a concept - a village without children. So who can these old biddies take out their curmudgeonliness on? Are they going to shoo each other off their lawns, and who will they rip off for oddjobs?

I am so looking forward to allergy season ending. This week, I made the mistake of taking Claritin D. How can a drug make you simultaneously a zonked out zombie and irritable as all fuck? And manages not only to dry out your nasal membranes but every other moisty membraney thing in your body? And gives you the most psycho nightmares ever? The day after I stopped taking it was like a rush of dopamine and serotonin and oxytocin (which I always get mixed up with oxycontin) all at once.

April Fool's

2006-04-01T17:26:00.000-05:00

Well, so far I have neither perpetrated nor suffered an April Fool's joke. Here's some of the jokes I've seen this year:

Chris Martin turning his back on Tony and turning Tory. The thing is, I can just imagine Gwyneth turning Tory. She seems like a Home Counties matron in training, with her blonde hauteur and general snootiness, and I'm sure that rubs off on Chris, who seems a bit impressionable.

Tony Blair is painting the famous black door of 10 Downing Street red. More likely to be blue, or maybe brown to match his nose, don't you think?

Via Metafilter, Google romance, featuring contextual dating with ads that will enhance your romantic experience. As an aside, doesn't it strike you that computer dating is sort of like diet clinics - if they really work, their demise would be certain? Just their existence means they don't work.

April Fool's jokes played the day before for expediency's sake, like this one in Indiana, sort of lose any funniness. Kind of like getting a box of chocolates the day after Valentine's, when they're on sale.

I have to admit, I have a particular disdain for uber-geeky April Fool's - like this one. They are just too corny be funny - they're funny like a joke your teacher tells, i.e sort of inoffensive and non-controversial and therefore lacking in humor.

This is not an April Fool's joke, but the comments to this article about some guy who has cats who wishes he didn't are interesting, given the British reputation for being animal lovers.

This is a disturbing candy - training pills. To get the young 'uns used to popping stuff through the foil. At least it would take a while to eat them, whereas I could snarf 26 M & Ms in one handful, no problem.

March On

2006-03-20T19:34:00.000-05:00

There's a new magazine that's just been launched in Britain, Karen, which already has a cult following. I think this is a great idea. It's much more fascinating to peak into real lives than fake ones made up by some publicist. It's the same thing that makes going to a foreign supermarket (or here, shopping at a Tienda) more interesting than going to a tourist hotspot. Somehow, to get a peek into someone from another country's banal everyday life; the food they eat, the soap they use, the car they drive is infinitely more fascinating than hearing a tourist guide trot out some blurb you could read from a pamphlet at the visitor center.

I was amazed to realize that John Profumo has only recently died. For some reason, I thought he had croaked ages ago. He was involved in a juicy Judith Exner-esque scandal, sleeping with a call-girl who also slept with a Russian spy, which became the basis of (of course) Scandal, one of my favorite movies. Joanne Walley is so hot in this film. And both the leading men are gay, which is kind of interesting.

This website is a horrible idea - you send in pictures of shameful things, like your kid's messy room or your best friend dancing on the table, and the photo is posted on the website. What a nasty, passive-aggressive thing to do. If anyone did this to me, you can be sure I will wreak terrible Scorpionic revenge on them.

I would really like to see Big Love, but being the cheap bastard I am, I only have basic (not even standard) cable. I've always thought that polygamy was not a bad idea, as long as it's egalitarian and not a weird Mormon patriarchal thing. I imagine it would keep everyone on their toes and cut down on any primadonna behavior, otherwise you would never get any.

Economy Edition

2006-03-13T20:16:00.000-05:00

Seeing as I am such an aficionado of thrift stores and bargain shopping, here are some great deals to be had in Durham:

Habitat for Humanity Hand-Me-Up Store
I have gotten some amazing deals here; a dining table, sideboard and six chairs for $300, and a bedroom suite for my son for $200. Plus it raises money for a good charity and their delivery is really cheap. And they deliver on a Saturday! Also, every time I've been, they have had great kitschy art - paintings on velvet, sad clowns, Kincaidesque landscapes.

Grannie's Panties
That picture of the granny on their website is pretty scary. This is a great place for dishes, bowls, glasses and kitchenware. The furniture can be a bit pricey. I buy 'disposable' pie plates for a buck apiece then when I make a pie to take to someone's house, I don't worry about getting the plate back. Last time I went, they had a clawfoot tub and an old washer/wringer out front, plus some beautiful (and very tiny) clothes from the turn of the century. That's the turn of the last century folks. I have also bought wool from here - I guess old ladies die without finishing off their yarn stash.

TROSA Framing
This is an incredible deal - about half the price of anywhere else you care to get pictures framed, and they do a fabulous job. I like to frame my son's art; plus my sister is an artist and my mum has done some pretty killer Chinese brush painting, so I have plenty of things to frame.

Cosmic Cantina
Cheap, filling, healthy and delicious. The tortillas they use here must be the size of a bath towel.

Thrift World
Great thrift store. I have purchased some great clothes from here, plus they have a good book selection. They usually have some pretty good furniture too. This is one to visit regularly and keep on top of their stock.

Nearly New Shoppe
This is a pretty good little thrift store, where you can gette a goodde bargainne. The clothes are a little more hotsy-totsy than your average thrift store, which I attribute to professorial donations, but the prices are great.

In completely unrelated news, that Beep, beep commercial is driving me around the fucking twist. Ear worm much? And do you think 13 Stories is trying just a tad too hard?

Oscar the Grouch

2006-03-06T19:57:00.000-05:00

I watched (as it turned out) most of the Oscars with a bunch of fun people. I'm very happy Minty co-won the pool, as she certainly did her homework with focused tenacity, only leaving a couple of Oscar nominations unwatched.

Well, the Oscars were one of those frequent occasions where America is watched by the world; check out what my compatriots think about this country. When I was growing up, my stereotype of Americans was an imaginary middle-aged couple called Nancy and Hiram, who talked very loudly in nasal mid-western accents. Hiram wore Hawaiian shirts, black socks and sandals, and had a big stogie wedged in the corner of his mouth. Nancy was definitely pear-shaped, a bit naive, and dressed in pastels. I've never met an American remotely like either one of them.

I do remember the American exchange students at the University of Aberdeen, where I studied. They looked really, really wholesome, but they were fairly slutty, which I think is definitely the perogative of the exchange student.

Now, I like beer. And I like ice-cream. But both at once? I'm not too sure about that. I would rather have a bottle of my favorite beer, and some really good vanilla on the side.

I am so going to create my own magazine cover one day.

From Metafilter, the draw a pig personality test. Don't really know what to say about this one other than it's deeply silly.

Check this out - the Guardian Health Editor thinks every birth should be a C-section. Certainly, giving birth seems unusually perilous for humans compared to most mammals. But you just need to gather a bunch of women, and I think the horror story to no big whoop story is about even. I fall in the no big whoop category, but I think being a strapping lass with a high pain threshold definitely helped.

If children are not for you, here's some surprising news about Walmart. Though it still has it's conscientous objector policy, a la Target. Who are these pharmacists who will not provide emergency contraception (or even birth control)? If you felt this strongly, wouldn't you choose another line of work?

Fat Tuesday

2006-02-27T20:17:00.000-05:00

So, March 1st occurs the same day as the first day of Lent. Is that a perfect day to start a diet or what? Especially if you are starting a weight loss study (as I am). If nothing else, it will be interesting to be a guinea pig. I'm a very fluffy one, you know.

While looking for healthy recipes, I stumbled upon this old cookbook written by this dude, Bart Ritner. On the cover, he's wearing Stay-prest slacks, and as a concession to the 70s, his hair is brushing his collar. I found the book ages ago when I moved into my house, and it's pretty interesting. If I took out every recipe that used mayo, canned tuna, canned soup, jello or Crisco, there wouldn't be much left.

I'm sort of half watching Skating with Celebrities right now, and John Zimmerman is pretty hot for a figure skater. He reminds me a bit of David Beckham, who I just love in spite of him being a total fame-whore.

This version of that design classic, the London Underground Map, is an interesting idea. I am fascinated by the London Underground Map - it's succinct, recognizable, easy to follow, reduces a massive city to a few interlocking colored lines, and it was designed without the aid of computers. It's an amazing icon.

OK, I will admittedly knit just about anything, but here is where I draw the line. Jeez, those knitted birthday suits are disturbing. And they look awfully scratchy.

Britain has one of the largest gender pay gaps in Europe. I think it's about the same as the gender pay gap here. Which means the US has a gender pay gap that's unfavorable compared to most European countries, several of which provide generous maternity and daycare benefits. But I would bet the birthrate in the US is higher than most European countries. I guess you could chalk that up to good old fashioned American optimism.

David Hockney and Joe Jackson have been honored by the FOREST Annual Awards. I have to say, I think they have a point, even though I don't really like to sit in a smokey fug. It's very easy to demonize some bad habit or another, where the truth is always a bit more complex (see: latest findings about low-fat diets). And I think quite a few people unfortunately, are very comfortable with a prim, prudish and judgemental world view, which doesn't actually help anyone at all, except for boosting the egos of the self-righteous abstainers of vice.

Normal Service Has Resumed

2006-02-25T08:50:00.000-05:00

A little me time, some awesome friends who took care of my son, and some more awesome friends to have dinner with, and I'm back to normal (or as normal as I'll ever be).

My son really is a great kid; he's funny, smart, creative, cute as a button, and wise beyond his years, and I am very lucky to have him. And I want to do the best I can for him, and occasionally it just gets to be a bit much.

But I'm ok now. Really. La-la-la-la....

Vent

2006-02-24T08:09:00.000-05:00

Most of the time I love my life and I am very happy. I have a great kid who I just adore the crap out of. But once in a while (and this is one of those days), I just feel completely overwhelmed by it all.

Imagine you're a person who loves to travel, who's fascinated with learning about other cultures, who likes evening classes and seminars and museums, who likes to go see music once in a while, and likes trying new things. Now imagine you are living with someone who just wants to be home all the time, and you can't leave them alone for any length of time. Or if you do it will cost you money or hassle. Imagine not going on a date for seven years because even if there is someone you might be interested in, the person you live with is so demanding and jealous it would take a saint to persevere, and you're not that great a prize. Besides, you look like hell because you are fat and wear second-hand clothes. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out why.

Imagine hearing about other people going on great vacations and weekends away, and you can't because it will cost you twice as much, and anyway, you have to shell out thousands for summer camp and braces and school clothes and shoes and food and....

Imagine making all your household decisions, from the trivial to the big. You write all the bills, cook, clean, mow the yard, decorate. You have to make holidays special. Imagine having to make huge life decisions with no-one to bounce them off; where will we live? where should my son go to school? how can I encourage him to be the best he can be without nagging?

Imagine that your last several large purchases have been for someone else, and that someone treats them as a right. You want them to have the best you can manage, but it never quite feels good enough.

Imagine you can never step off the hamster wheel. The everyday demands just keep coming, regardless of anything else going on in your life. And they are boring, repetitive demands; for money, for time, for food, for attention, for company. It feels like a prison, a prison of duty and obligation, and yes, love. But a prison nonetheless. And like a prison, there is some comfort in the routine if you don't really think about it too much. But once in a while you do, which is probably a mistake.

Imagine every time you turn around, the person making all the demands is always there. Ready to make the next one.

Imagine having basically given up any notion of your own separate life because to fight for it is too damn hard, on top of everything else you have to do.

And I know I should engineer my life so I get a break, and have babysitting, and switch off childcare and blah-de-blah-de-blah. But guess what? That takes additional work and effort and is one more fucking thing I have to do. And one more thing I am thus failing at.

Anyway, I apologize for venting. And tommorrow I will probably be back to my usual self. But today I have to complain and bitch.

Penny Pinching

2006-02-22T22:54:00.000-05:00

This is the time of year where I am simultaneously paying off Christmas and putting down deposits for summer camp, and have yet to cash in on the bounty of my tax refund. My son wants to go to a rather expensive music camp, which I think I will be able to manage, but it is hard to plunk down $400+ for one week of juvenile joy and learning. I could have an awful lot of fun with that money.

Obviously, the purchasers of Jack's shirts have no such monetary constraints. I wonder what they would do with two such ordinary looking shirts? Extract Jake Gyllenhaal's DNA from the armpits?

Marriage pop quiz from the New York Times, via the always interesting Susie Bright, which blows the myth of the 'traditional' marriage right out of the water. We are in possibly the most romantic era of history, because marriage today is based on love (or lust) and not wealth or political alliances or just societal expectations, and unfortunately, love is much more ephemeral than money. Wouldn't it be nice to get an annual love refund based on the love you expended throughout the previous year, so if you have been Mother Theresa, you could look forward to a night of unadulterated lust with a hot stranger (sorry for the mental image), and if you had been somewhat curmudgeonly, you could look forward to something a little lesser, like a brief smile from the checkout girl?

I do not get the appeal of Carine Roitfeld, editor of French Vogue and style icon to the over-40 set. She looks tired and manly, which I don't think is very stylish, though she is skinny which I guess always trumps facial deficiencies (see: Jennifer Aniston)

Here are some not so innocent Sanrio items. If I were in a compromising situation with a man (purely hypothetical I know), and he extracted a Hello Kitty condom, I would run for the hills.

Fings ain't wot they used to be

2006-02-20T17:04:00.000-05:00

Britain is a little behind the times in rejecting psychodynamic therapy. I have never had therapy, but traditional Freudian therapy does not appeal to me at all, whereas I would definitely like to try cognitive behavioural therapy. It seems much more practical and useful; plus, I have always had the opinion that the therapist is a flawed human being too; who are they to tell me what's wrong with me? Having a therapist as a coach who is not involved in the personal mess of your life does seem eminently sensible.

And this is a pretty different take on our ancestors, with fairly profound societal implications. As a feminist, I think this is very interesting; our ancestors co-operated to fend off predators and protect their young. So this current dog-eat-dog, selfish materialism that seems endemic is really not natural to humans. And it is having some very really negative consequences; it's hard to contemplate raising children knowing you will be penalized. Not that I'm espousing 'family values' - I just wish the dominant value system was not based on the almighty dollar, and that raising, teaching and caring for children was not so undervalued and undersupported.

Scientists are trying to create lower calorie fruit. Does this seem like an enormous waste of time? How many people are fat because they ate too much fruit?

I finally listened to the Arctic Monkeys after reading about them for months and months. I like them but I'm not really overwhelmed. Maybe I need to keep listening....

Thatcher, Thatcher, Milk Snatcher

2006-02-15T19:27:00.000-05:00

Children used to sing this when Mrs. T was in charge and stopped the school milk program. I remember school milk as warm and vaguely sour, having sat in it's crate next to the school radiator for three hours, but I would have felt cheated if it had been taken away. Unfortunately, this is not one of the songs in the Margaret Thatcher musical. Though I would love to hear Fuck the North, because she truly did.

Tony Blair has just passed a ban on glorifying terrorism. I think the very existence of this ban does the very thing it tries to prevent.

This robotic slime sounds like science fiction. I just wonder how you program something that has autonomy and respond to it's environment.

A seventh grader has discovered that there is more bacteria in fast food ice machines than toilet water. I now feel totally justified in my hatred of ice in drinks, after being laughed at by countless Americans.

Filling in this Nohari window for Dick Cheney is strangely satisfying. Then of course I had to make my own Johari window - go on, tell me what you think!

Return of the Cooking Club

2006-02-12T19:06:00.000-05:00

Yay! To celebrate Valentine's Day, Mykull and I decided to make some cupcakes, using Magnolia bakery's recipe. Let's not dwell on the sad fact that the beneficiaries of our Valentine's largesse are our workmates.

I've only made these cupcakes like a Brazilian times, for my son's birthdays and PTA thangs, and they are always good. It's hard to go wrong with 4 sticks of butter and 10 cups of sugar. Mykull beat the batter, because he has nice strong wrists. We filled the cupcake liners about 1/2 full, baked them and they turned out jest right.

We took a break to go to a dessert-heavy party, then returned home to make frosting in a beautiful Pepto-Bismol pink.

Sample dialog from the kitchen:
I don't think it can take eight all at once
Let's loosen it up a bit, then I think we can add it a little bit at a time, and we can get all eight in
Wow, you're right!
Of course, we were talking about sugar. After the dessert party, and licking the frosting bowl, we both ended up in the corner of the kitchen nauseous, shivering and talking each other down. But the cupcakes looked pretty good.

Here's a really bad idea for Valentine's. Nothing says I love you like a big cabbage fart, which I suspect is the end result of this cake. Plus Scharffenberger costs nine bucks a bar. Not the chocolate to waste on a novelty cake.

And here's a skeevy candy for Valentine's Day. Is it worse if it's really chewy? I wonder if it unrolls. Then it could fit on the chocolate penis from my last post.

Superblow

2006-02-07T19:35:00.000-05:00

Err, I mean Superbowl. Of course I didn't watch. Maybe a couple of commercials, and a little bit of the half-time show, for assimilation purposes. After fifteen years of living here, I still don't understand American Football. It seems so S-L-O-W, and seems to involve a lot of staring at spandexed buttocks. Now of course, we have the Internet, so we have the commercials and their critiques instantaneously posted.

The Budweiser Wave one (second down, middle column - hey, that sounds like something one of those football-y guys would say) is stunningly similar to but not as good as this one .

Also, what is the deal with Go Daddy? What are they and why do their commercials always get banned, and where are they the other 364 days of the year?

This is just exactly the kind of crap that should sound the death knell for the British Monarchy. What the hell? Someone in a public position who can take a stand for so many things, sticks up for old greasy sheep meat (I won't stoop to a Camilla joke). Plus it seems a bit hypocritical for an incredibly wealthy man who still takes government subsidies that could go to the farmers he claims sympathy for.

I bloody hate St. Valentine's Day, it makes me feel like such a loser (I can guarantee none of the bouquets at the reception desk will have my name on it). However, I do kind of like these these Valentine's cards and scraps. They used to belong to Susie Bright's mother, which somehow seems apt for the holiday.

And for you men out there looking for a unique gift for that special someone, it would be hard to top this (except with a swirl of whipped cream and a cherry).

Lisa Loeb's Butt

2006-02-02T19:08:00.000-05:00

It's everywhere. That little video of her prancing around in her thong is all over the place, and something compels me to watch it every single time. She's a cutie-patootie, that's for sure, but who knew so many guys apparently have a thing for her?

Apparently, being negative and grumpy is contagious. I can certainly think of people who are just exhausting to be around because they are so negative. And it usually has very little to do with what they have in life. Even more reason to keep away from toxic people (supposedly ten percent of the population, which seems a bit on the low side to me).

I'm just waiting for someone to use male schadenfreude as an argument against women becoming lawyers.

This article about British gum chewers has the grossest picture EVER of a gum-splattered street. It's one thing to chew gum, but to just spit it out anywhere is revolting.

It looks like Steven Soderbergh's film Bubble isn't doing very well, in spite of the innovative release (simultaneously on DVD, cinema and cable). I wonder if the numbers will be better after three weeks in heavy cable rotation. I have to admit, the fact that he used 'non-professional' actors puts me off a bit. It could be pretty deadly.

Aren't you glad you're not a student doctor? Lisa Loeb should watch herself, wandering around half-naked. An electric cable might wind up in her rectum.

Ha, Ha Men

2006-01-28T19:17:00.000-05:00

Well, after my little bout of sympathy for men, I now have to laugh at them. Not all of them - just the terminally lame ones. Like this one with the famous wife and the Cheeto colored shirt and the extremely healthy ego. Or these ones with the wrong color shorts, the wrong length t-shirts and the extremely healthy - well, see for yourselves.

Here's something sort of fun, though you have to register. You can upload a picture of yourself, and find out what celebrity you look like. I did two of mine, and the only celebrities that came out for both were Julianne Moore and Rita Hayworth. I bloody wish. I think that may be based on my coloring - it certainly isn't on my features. Other celebrities I supposedly resemble are Cameron Diaz, Michelle Pfeiffer, Rowan Atkinson and Harry Harrison. Did I mention this was in beta?

Here's another rather less superficial test, via Salon, which tests how prejudiced you are. The actual test is here - that site does seem to have an anti-American bias, as the stars and stripes are conspicuously absent. I discovered so far I have a slight bias to straight people, and a strong bias towards young people, which shocked me. There's also a test for thin/fat preference, but if you do the test, it's more like a preference between normal faces and very badly Photoshopped 'fat' faces.

Poor, poor men

2006-01-23T19:23:00.000-05:00

Lately, it seems like there is a lot of attention being paid to men and their feelings, and it makes me feel a little sorry for them. First of all, there's Brokeback Mountain, which, as well as being a really sad love story, shows the tragedy of being emotionally hobbled by the expectations of 'being a man'.

Then, there's the Japanese phenomenon of Hikikomori, where young men seclude themselves rather than meet the challenges expected of them. Please God, let it stay on Japanese shores.

Then there's Norah Vincent's walk on the Y side, where she concludes that being a man kind of sucks, and that men essentially live hidden behind a macho facade.

Even a Neanderthal like this guy comes across as being a little pathetic and jealous of his child, and of his wife's bond with their child, and unable to deal with it in an adult fashion.

On a totally unrelated note, my son was watching Bobo-bo Bobo on Cartoon Network. I still haven't quite figured out what it's about except the hero can do karate with his nose hair, and his sidekick, Gas Can attacks with his farts. Really. It sounds like a bunch of eleven year olds made it up, which is probably why my son likes it.

Nothing sucks

2006-01-21T18:58:00.000-05:00

like my clapped out barely a year old vacuum cleaner. It's not like I'm that hard on it or anything, only having one carpeted room in my house. And I'm not that much of a hausefrau, though I do kind of like doing housework (or rather, I like to not feel shame about the state of my house). I like a slightly cluttered, book-filled cottage-y house that smells of something good cooking, that's clean and tidy enough to relax in. I don't really get why people buy big fancy houses and they're really messy, or have no comfy chairs - what's the point?. Anyway, my stupid vacuum cleaner bit the dust (ha,ha).

I think it's weird that Hugh Laurie is considered a sex symbol, now that he's won a Golden Globe. In the U.K, he is (was?) considered a comedian who played buffoons, though I think the character of House is kind of sexy, in a Byronic doomed sort of way.

George Galloway is being lambasted for pretending to be a cat on Big Brother. I think what's worse is he is so blatantly absent from his constituency, a job for which he gets a salary. He's probably best known here for being 'involved' in the U.N. Oil for Food program. Though it's hardly worse than our lot, who don't have to pretend to be fat cats who got the cream.

I hope this fake skin trend doesn't take off. The apron is particularly Silence-of-the-Lambs. And I'm sorry, but there is no way I would hang one of these bags off my belt. I do not want a dangly inside out testicley thing bouncing around my butt, contrary to popular opinion.

I love these stories about people who made it to 100. They sound like such a sweet bunch of old people. And now there's a theory that your grandparents lifestyle can affect your health. Which might be good news for me as both my grandmothers were tough old birds; one in a genteel, ladylike, covertly slugging down brandy manner, and the other in an almost pathalogically self-reliant Luddite way.

If I only had a brain...

2006-01-15T19:05:00.000-05:00

and some time. Here are ideas that have been rattling around my head for a while, that I'll probably never do. If anyone wants to run with any of these, please do; I'll probably never get around to it.

A cookbook for party leftovers - you know, baby carrots, dip, crudites, stale chips, salsa, flat beer. I can think of so many things to make.

Screenplay/book about the Land of Oz; the men who created it and Tweetsie Railroad.

Book about graduates of a club like The Cambridge Footlights or The Groundlings who didn't become famous.

Founding a Scottish bakery, with unfancy, good cakes like meringues and shortbread. Though that particular baker has Weight Watchers cookies. I'm sorry but that's just wrong.

An import business for Scottish kitsch, including publications from the esteemed publishing house of D.C Thomson, purveyor of the sentimental, judgemental, parochial and maudlin.

Designing and making stylish, girly clothes for the size that I am, straddling regular and plus size, with giant shoulders and long arms - i.e. big women. And trannies too I suppose.

Speaking of women a bit on the butch side, here's evidence that women are hairier than they used to be, attributed to high carb diets. And evidence that depression is definitely linked to poor diet. So if you are sad, and have a moustache, and you're a girl, eat a salad!

I'm heartened that Chile has elected a woman. Not only a woman, but a socialist single mother who is a pediatrician, and was tortured during the Pinochet regime. She joins the list of woman leaders which is larger than expected. She is inspiring; if she can lead a country, I can make it to the gym twice a week, right?

The blurb for this show pushes all my buttons. I don't doubt that schools are not everything they should be, but it's not due to the government having a monopoly over the school system. That seems like veiled code for the promotion for vouchers. Since I started living here, I've met both astonishingly well-educated and informed individuals, and barely literate, credulous individuals. One thing that America teaches it's youth, which I have seen first-hand with my son, is confidence. When this confidence is backed up by intelligence and ability, it's a wonderful asset. When there is nothing except confidence, it's a cringe making embarassment.

We've come a long way baby...

2006-01-12T19:52:00.000-05:00

Martin Luther King Day is just around the corner, and it made me think, even though we have a ways to go until we have a color-blind society, that we've progressed quite a bit since I was a kid. Especially if you think institutionalized racism reflects societal attitudes in general. And yes, I have been called a sheep-shagger before, by an insensitive English person (note my linguistic restraint).

Believe it or not, when I was growing up in Scotland, the Black and White Minstrel Show was considered wholesome family entertainment. Luckily my mum was kind of ahead of her time, and would switch off the TV when it came on. But she still bought marmalade which had little paper golliwogs stuck under the label that you collected to get a brooch. Weirdly enough, this is a purely British artifact of racism.

That WeightWatchers commercial with Cher singing makes me want to either dress up in major drag like a Vegas show girl or do a song and dance routine on an aircraft carrier. But it doesn't make me want to go on a diet, even though the song clearly underlines the fate of the fat.

I was watching Dancing With the Stars, and I can't imagine their budget for self-tanner with George Hamilton and Lisa Rinna in the cast. Plus George Hamilton looks like Nixon, which adds a whole other level of entertainment to the show. And I love that particular breed of tightly trousered, oily coiffured, squirm inducing and deeply disturbing male dancer they have on the show.

Giant Drag

2006-01-08T18:54:00.000-05:00

describes both what it's like to go back to work again, and also whose song is totally stuck in my head - Kevin is Gay.

Speaking of gay, Brokeback Mountain is an incredible movie. It's a beautiful and tragic love story, and I would think the story would resonate with anyone who has fallen in love with someone that they can't be with, for whatever reason. Heath Ledger is absolutely amazing in it, and he had better get a bloody Oscar.

I actually saw this in the News and Observer - dangerous ideas. Such as the difference between the real and virtual worlds is vanishing. This is really thought provoking to me - my childhood in Scotland (or living in Fiji, or LA, or being married to someone I hear from maybe once a year) seems so distant and foreign, that the difference between my memories of it and a vivid dream or a good movie is minimal. So which is more real? Anyway, it's a very addictive website.

The guy who designed this website had a simple but brilliant idea - selling pixels. Lucky, lucky bastard. The last few pixels are making quite a bit on EBay

I feel so sorry for Charles Kennedy. And so not sorry for Tom DeLay. About bloody time. Let's hope his buddy is going down too.

This pair are like Two Fat Ladies in drag, if they were both alive that is.

I saw on FOX that they call the post (football) game show the OT. I just hate this trend for 'on the O' something-that-rhymes-with-see. What about 'on the o.b.' for when you're on the rag? Or 'on the o.g.' for church-goers or conversely if you're having good sex? Or 'on the o.z.' if you're Judy Garland.

Auld Claes and Porridge

2006-01-02T12:04:00.000-05:00

My lovely old Dad says this every New Year - 'Back to auld claes and porridge' - which loosely translated means back to old clothes and plain eating. I'm usually ready for this by New Year's, when I start to crave citrus fruit and soups with lots of veggies in them. And I want to start A Project. And I start to feel like an antsy teenager desperate for freedom (being a single mom of a pre-teen is very much like being a teenager; you can't wait to be freed of your shackles but you're scared as well, so you spend a lot of time moaning about it and not much actually trying to escape those 'shackles').

Apparently, the troops in Iraq aren't as well entertained, as they have been in the past, but it's interesting to note which celebrities are still hanging in there: Al Franken, Henry Rollins, and Robin Williams (much as he gets on my last nerve). And Ted Nugent, packin' of course.

My son and I have been spouting our new angry Hermione inspired catchphrases:

For your information, and in case you haven't noticed.. insert indignant declaration here
Will you STOP going on about...insert subject of obsession here

We love angry Hermione.

What's the deal with plunging into icy , icy water on New Year's Day?

Dunno why but I was looking for celebrity playlists, and I found Jennifer Garner's, which is the lamest thing I have ever seen. Wow - she really is thirteen going on thirty. It explains a lot (willingness to spawn with Ben Affleck, bad movie choices)

Happy Hogmanay

2005-12-29T18:29:00.000-05:00

Phew! I feel it's quite a slog from Thanksgiving through to the New Year. I kind of find it hard to summon up the enthusiasm for New Year's, unlike when I lived in Scotland, when everything started later and you basically got two weeks off from work, and so you weren't completely stuffed by rich food and celebrated out by December 31st.

Anyway, I think I'll take a page from Minty's playbook, and recall some of the media type thingies I enjoyed this year:

Music

I LOVED the mix CDs I got from people, and I'm looking forward to getting some more from those of you who haven't made one yet (hint, hint). Of the live music shows I saw this year (Aimee Mann, Sigur Ros and the Stones), Sigur Ros was by far and away the best. And I'm bummed I didn't see the Pixies when they were here. I also really enjoyed seeing the St. Nicholas cantata at Duke Chapel with the Choral Society of Durham, and the Durham Children's Choir (one of whom is my son).

Movies

My favorite movie of the year was Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Wererabbit. I want a dog like Gromit. Luckily, I didn't see too many movies this year as there seemed to be a lot of really sucky ones, though unfortunately, I did see Mirrormask.

Books

Thanks to Mykull, I got tons of reading done: I really enjoyed Emotionally Weird, On Beauty, Little Children and A Portrait of Yo Mama as a Young Man among others. I could not make it through Specimen Days, much as I felt I ought to.

Before the festive season vanishes for good, this is the most heinous card ever (via Metafilter). Makes you wish the War on Christmas was well and truly lost. I never want to see a camel with lipstick on again.

And here are my predictions for 2006:

Katie Holmes will give birth (silently) to Rosemary's baby

Delay and Rove will be let off the hook to slime another day

Further chipping away of our civil liberties

Super annoying Crazy Frog will cross the Atlantic (I love the ubiquity of pop culture phenomenona in the UK; it just doesn't happen here). And I love his little froggie weiner.

I will make good on wagers I had with various people about life being more interesting than it turned out to be this year. Though I suppose nothing much happening is better than bad stuff happening.

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-25T18:42:00.000-05:00

I have to say, I had just about as good a Christmas as possible without my family being here. On Christmas Eve, we took Mykull to the airport (I love going to the airport on a holiday, even if I'm not going anywhere), and then my son sang in Duke Chapel in the early evening communion service which gave me my opportunity to belt out Christmas carols. Then we came home and had some beef stew which I had made in my crockpot - I think the secret is to use the cheapest beef possible and cook it for like ten hours or something. Then one of my neighbors came to visit, and after he left, we read 'The Night Before Christmas', and sang 'The Twelve Days Of Christmas' and made each other laugh. And we put out milk and cookies and carrots for Santa and his reindeer (even though he's way past Santa age, we still like the ritual). I know it sounds so friggin' wholesome, but I love it.

Then on Christmas, my son was absolutely delighted with his Gamecube, and his new game. A friend of mine who has just returned from Hong Kong came over and we had a pretty good meal - roast capon, mashed potatoes with Boursin, roast parsnips, brussels sprouts, orange-cranberry sauce with Grand Marnier, stuffing and gravy, and I also made some wild mushroom-roasted garlic-truffle tartlets because she is vegetarian. We just had a nice conversation while we ate, and then we all ended up playing with the Gamecube which was fun. And all the dishes were cleared and in the dishwasher by 6:30, while I had a nice cup of coffee with rum and cream.

And now I'm stuffed and sleepy and warm and happy. I hope everyone else had as good a Christmas as I did!

Cabbages and Queens

2005-12-19T19:04:00.000-05:00

Wasn't that a lovely speech the Prez gave last night? I paraphrase: 'People are dying so we can save lives'. And I love the line: 'We attract the terrorists by ignoring them'. Damn. I've been giving my son bad advice about bullies.

Here's the Jib-Jab summary of Bush's year. Wonder what further damage he can do in the remaining week and a half of this year?

I can't stand those 'He went to Jared' commercials they have every Christmas, which look like they've been hanging around since the eighties judging by the shoulder pads and jewel-tones the diamond encrusted shrew-matrons are wearing in them. The ads are so chintzy I was convinced that Jared was a local business with a small advertising budget, but actually, they're a big chain. Plus the name reminds me of this guy.

Rolf Harris just finished a lovely portrait of the Queen. It looks like it was painted from a kit. Though it's a tad more flattering than this. I think the Queen is looking more and more like Mary of Teck. I don't know why I care except that the Queen's Speech is such a part of British Christmas that I kind of miss the old bat this time of year. We used to time Christmas lunch for 3:30 in the afternoon, right after her speech: 'Mary Christmas end Gawd bleass us awll'.

I just love Happy Tree Friends. My son actually told me about them; he watches them at camp, which makes me wonder what I pay $40 a day for. But then, I don't suppose I can really complain because we watch them together and laugh our asses off.

Wintervale

2005-12-12T18:37:00.000-05:00

Wintervale is, apparently, the new politically correct term for the Christmas season in the UK. I'm getting so fucking tired of all of this. Just call 'it' whatever floats your boat (Christmas, Happy Holidays, Wintervale, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa), do your best to be respectful of other people's customs, and don't throw a hissy fit if other people accidentally call it the wrong thing, or wish you something you don't believe in. And if you want to exercise your spirituality, volunteer at the soup kitchen or make a donation to charity or go buy groceries for an elderly neighbor. Just don't get your panties in a wad about nothing.

I'm very bummed about no clemency for Tookie Williams. And a little baffled by the talk of redemption and such. What about the fact that the death penalty is flat out wrong? I think it's wonderful that Tookie Williams has found a positive purpose in his life, and has had the opportunity to do some good with his books and speeches. But that really is irrelevant, and all the debating about it is a diversion from the fact that taking someone's life is wrong, whether as a criminal act, or an act of 'justice'.

On a much lighter note, this, via metafilter, is hilarious - it just goes to show the power of a dirty mind. I can't imagine how dirty the mind was that looked at the source pictures and zoomed in on the ambiguous part. Dirtier than mine, and that is truly saying something.

O Tannenbaum

2005-12-06T20:13:00.000-05:00

We put up our Christmas tree this weekend; this is my favorite part of Christmas. Then it's the music; then the food; then the lazing around; then the presents. My son told me it made him sad that it was just the two of us this Christmas. Whoa fuck. My edifice of sisters-doing-it-for-themselves was temporarily dismantled for a couple of hours and I had a secret cry. Then in the mail that day, I got a catalog for 12 Muses Cruises which depressed me even more, as obviously I am on some mailing list somewhere as being chronically single and therefore likely to be an 'open-minded woman'. Not that there's anything wrong with that at all, except for the fact that I am probably only score maybe a one in 'open-mindedness' on the Kinsey scale.

But then on the same day, I got an e-mail from one of the dads at my son's old school which was very complimentary ('Oh, Marianne, how can I convince you that I adore you?') and made me feel better.

And if I feel too sorry for myself, I do my Cockney Christmas schtick, which always makes me laugh (if no-one else):

'Cor Blimey, we'll have a right good Christmas, we will. The master'll send us some food from the big 'ouse, and he'll give us an 'arf day, he will, right after we get back from church. And you won't 'afta climb no chimneys neefer. And 'er ladyship's given us an orange for Toiny Tim, seein' it's 'is last Christmas an' all. Oooh, we'll have a fair ol' do, we will'

Anyway, I've seen a couple of interesting ideas for Christmas presents:

The Bulge. Looks like they don't have the European hooded version. This will go down (har-de-har) a treat at your next corporate gift exchange.

Kitschy Christian gifts. I like #4, the Nativitimer, for making sure you leaven your bread for just the right amount of time.

Speaking of Christianity, I have been kind of intrigued with an ad on Metafilter for a book. That guy's face is so calculatedly Jesus-y. I can just imagine him with the stylist for the photo shoot: 'Errr... could you matte up my beard a bit more so I look like I've spent 40 days in the desert and am completely non-materialistic? Did you get that beatific smile? I think a middle part, don't you, to get that Last Supper vibe? Easy on the make-up, don't want to look like Osama'.

I saw a link to this article about stay-at-home feminists on Bitch Phd, which basically states that women have a disadvantage in their careers because they take on the housework. Very interesting. I personally believe the problem is not with women doing housework or believing it's their job, but in the fact that maintaining a family and looking after children is chronically undervalued in this country. I think farming out household chores and childcare to those further down the economic ladder, as suggested, is not the right approach, but it is a very American one. Maybe we should all embrace the lazy slut within (or without).

Stockholm Syndrome

2005-11-28T19:58:00.000-05:00

After being home with my son for a few days, I'm convinced motherhood is a special case of Stockholm Syndrome. I have to admit, I'm kind of glad to be back at work. It's hard to relax when you can't do anything without interruption, and my son is the master at yelling 'M-O-M! M-O-M!' in a semi-urgent voice then when I answer, saying something like 'I love you mom' or 'Look at the cats' or something else that's simultaneously inane and affectionate so I can't get mad at him.

Now that he's back at school, I can make goo-goo eyes at his after-school counsellor for whom I have a little Mrs. Robinson thing. I suspect he flirts with all the moms, and why not? It's actually a little galling to realize Anne Bancroft was only 36 when she was Mrs. Robinson - just a baby cougar.

I did knit half a sweater while I was off, though, and started reading Belle de Jour, the diary of a London call-girl who also blogs. She's a pretty raunchy girl, but I have to say, it reads a bit like those skeevy stories in Penthouse forum. And I can't help thinking she must be a seething mass of chlamydia and genital warts if half of what she writes is true. I actually think it's a very clever marketing campaign - she's advertised herself as uber-kinky and GGG (per Dan Savage - good, giving and game), so she can probably up her rates a bit, and make the most of her limited shelf life.

Black Friday

2005-11-25T20:10:00.000-05:00

George Best has died, from alcoholism. I don't know why this has made such an impact on me; maybe because he was a throwback to another era where a talented, gorgeous, witty, womanizing bad boy was feted, and not manicured into some milquetoast, uncontroversial Ken doll. And there's something tragic and mesmerizing about having such talent and squandering it. Someone like him is the antithesis to the grim, Puritanical, joyless striving that seems to be so endemic to our times, and I wish there were more like him.

His liver transplant was pretty controversial, especially as it became apparent he could not stop drinking. And now the NHS is proposing banning hip and knee replacements for the obese. Is this the thin (no pun intended) end of the wedge? This seems unfair - hip or knee replacement is no picnic, and deciding who is 'too fat' for surgery seems so subjective. Somehow, the concept of fat-but-fit does not seem to have cottoned on. I personally believe the rise in obesity is a direct result of the rise in dieting and people over-eating out of guilt, and I think this punitive, judgemental attitude towards heavy people is horrible, and guaranteed to make matters worse.

Anyway, my recommendation for a quick ego-boost is to look at your E-Bay feedback scores. Wow! I'm a great e-bayer! Super communicator! A++++! TRUST ME I am THE BEST! I can't help it, it just makes me feel better reading them, maybe because they're so over the top.

I was looking at Salon the other day (the unpremium version), and I had to watch an ad before the ad you have to watch to enter Salon. That just seems unfair. I really hate the pre-mercials (yes, that's what they're called) where they have a link that's something like 'Click here to learn more' that appears about 30 seconds before the link to Salon appears. So often I click that in anticipation of the one to get into Salon and have to watch some junk about Lexus or Marriott hotels or some other company I am certain not to patronize. I should just pony up the thirty-five bucks for Premium - but hey, I'm Scottish.

Once Upon A Time...

2005-11-21T20:32:00.000-05:00

Here's a couple of news items that sound exactly like something out of a fairytale - a tiny village that lies at the foot of a mountain, which is so dark and gloomy in the winter that it uses mirrors to bring warmth and light to the villagers. And a rarely blooming, bad-smelling plant which draws crowds from miles around.

I really hate those St. Jude Thanks and Giving campaign. It's a good cause and everything, but the extreme close-ups of celebrities on a movie theater sized screen are just distressing to me. What is the deal with celebrities and bad skin? SJP, Morgan Freeman, Ray Romano (dude, could you at least shave for a public service-y announcement?). Bad skin, all of them.

I love the knitted DNA (scroll down to the bottom). Or maybe a nosecone which looks kind of fairytaleish in a medieval Heironymous Bosch-y way.

Apparently, spanking your kids makes them more aggressive and hostile. Well, duh. There's also the whole issue of parental anger and spanking being a manifestation of it, rather than a considered punishment. It's pretty hard to be mellow if you know you're going to get whacked upside the head if your mom's day sucked. I would venture to say most spanking is an exasperated spur of the moment thing rather than a considered parenting strategy. Though there are books that tell you how to do it right.

The last survivor of the World War I Christmas Truce has died. I always thought it was so weird that after a day of embracing the enemy and seeing them as human beings that the next day it was war as usual. It's also a reminder of the power of the individual; if those soldiers had the belief that they had that power, could they have changed history? Or do we always instill our leaders with that kind of authority but never ourselves?

Grrrr!

2005-11-15T19:48:00.000-05:00

My absolute pet peeve (Caution: reading through that link might make make you a little cranky), to which I react way out of proportion to the offense, is people who pull up right outside the grocery store to drop off their significant other to go shopping. Invariably, they are driving some big ass SUV, and invariably, the dropee is not very old and usually fat. And everyone pushing their carts out to their own car has to dice with death because they can't see around the behemoth parked there. It smacks of some weird kind of chivalry where you don't give a fuck about anyone except your nearest and dearest.

And it's also symptomatic of a certain sense of entitlement, that somehow walking across the parking lot is too good for them but not too good for everyone else. And I just hate people who feel entitled.

Speaking of grocery stores, who buys gravy in a jar? . By definition, you are eating the meat that matches the gravy (chicken or beef), so is it so hard to make it from scratch? It just looks so revolting, all cold and congealed in the jar, like a Fear Factor challenge.

While I was cutting coupons, I noticed some of the coupon recipes. They are so fucking lame. Pumpkin pie with vanilla pudding and Cool Whip? Brie with a mixture of apples and nuts (so far, so good), and a nice dollop of 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter'? Does anyone ever make this stuff, and more to the point, does anyone ever eat it?

What I can definitely eat is what my sister sent me: some goodies from Scotland. Eating a Caramel wafer takes me back to being ten and going to my Grannie's.

I'm watching Gilmore Girls and it strikes me that it's been a long time since I saw Sookie in something other than her chef clothes. Which is a shame, because I totally use her for wardrobe inspiration; my son thinks I look like her, and she's zaftig like me, and I think her clothes are ever so cute.

43

2005-11-12T17:51:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I will be 43 years old - I can't believe I'm that old. I thought I would have it all figured out by now. Actually, what's more meaningful to me is it's ten years since my annus horribilis (2 'n's people), the (hopefully) worst year of my life. I've been thinking about it a lot recently, and I'm still not really over it. Here's what I learned that year:

It's far lonelier to be in a bad relationship than to be on your own

When you catch your spouse with anti-nausea medication and pills for the DTs, they ain't for acid reflux

Always check the MIDDLE of your check book for missing checks

If you haven't received your tax refund by August, chances are it's already coursed through someone's veins

If someone you work with pursues you manically, even though you are going through seperation hell with a baby, RUN!!! You're not that wonderful - they're just that desperate.

Sometimes, you are better off never knowing the gruesome details, especially when they involve one or more of the following: infant son, illicit drugs, your money, bad parts of LA

Anyway, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see why I am so close to my son, and why I'm so conflicted about the idea of a committed relationship. I hope this will change at some point, but I haven't really had a compelling reason to so far, other than friends nagging me that I should date or try and meet someone. Mykull and I have decided that, should that day come, my match.com profile should be 'Overweight, immigrant single mother'. That'll reel 'em in.

This is a fun quiz. Apparently, I think in a stereotypically feminine way - that is, can't read maps or manipulate objects spacially, but can read faces and empathize. Not only that, but my scores are very high on the girly stuff. I'm sort of bummed about it, to be honest, which is probably also a feminine thing, to value masculine traits more than feminine.

Speaking of feminine, check out this attempt to help the environment. I can't say I've ever been aware of my breasts being cold, ever. My arms, my legs, my midsection (especially since I'm 5' 10" and most of it is in my torso, thus tops are never long enough), and sometimes my ass if I sit on a wall or something, but never, ever my boobs (which make handy earmuffs if you're that way inclined).

Anyway, here are some famous people who share my birthday who seem way more Scorpionic than I (Chris Noth, Gerard Butler, Jean Seberg). Some pretty damn good looking company.

Farmer's Market

2005-11-07T19:17:00.000-05:00

I think there are only two more weekends at the Durham Farmer's Market. Mykull and I have developed a cozy little Saturday morning routine. First, we go knock on our friend Milton's door (he lives opposite the market) and usually wake him up. Then we get coffee and carrot raisin muffins and either sit in Central Park or on Milton's porch. Then we talk about the issues of the day and people watch.

This week, we were sitting on Milton's porch (while he wasn't there) when some guy parked his big ole ugly SUV right by Milton's mailbox. This while there were plenty of parking spots in the Farmer's Market parking lot. So we wrote him a little note (on the back of some lyrics for a music recital I went to a little while ago, which added a nice touch). This is what the note said, because we believe in a higher parking power (I'm sure Mykull will correct me if I missed something):

Dear Child of God:
God in His infinite wisdom has provide a parking lot for you to park in. Also, God appeared to me in a vision and told me you should drive a smaller car. Have a blessed day, love, your Brethren in Christ.

Then we secluded ourselves and waited for him to come back. Of course, he didn't but it didn't stop us giggling about it.

I hope this will finally put all the Intelligent Design bullshit to rest. Although, I think this is often served up as just a more palatable form of creationism because creationism boosters recognize it's totally wacky shit.

I'm sad that John Fowles has died. I went to see him at a book reading when I was in my twenties, and I just wanted to throw myself at him and tell him: 'I want to have your genius cantankerous babies, never mind that you're old enough to be my grandpa'. I love The Magus and The Ebony Tower. And this was a much better book than the movie. Though I do have a sneaking suspicion that the description of him being 'cantankerous' may have been being kind.

In Britain, they just celebrated the 400th Guy Fawkes night. This basically celebrates an unsuccessful attempt at terrorism, and is sort of all mixed up with Halloween in my childhood memories. I grew up in a fishing village, and they would use up all the out-of-date flares from the fishing boats as fireworks, and have a huge bonfire on the beach and cook potatoes and sausages in the embers. Fireworks seem so much better to me on a cold, twinkly night than on a warm, muggy one.

I saw Capote, and I highly recommend it. I think everyone has heard that Philip Seymour Hoffman's portrayal of Truman Capote is amazing, considering he looks nothing like Mr. Capote. But I also thought the cinematography was absolutely stunning, though it makes me never want to live in the mid-west.

I see that Stacked is coming back for a second season. I think Pamela Anderson is quite pretty, in a sort of trollopy way, but her plastic surgery is heinous. And being Jessica Rabbit is a young woman's game. There comes a point where slapping on more makeup doesn't make you look younger but just makes you look like a trannie, especially when your breasts are big orange globes of fakitude, and Pammie has definitely passed that point.

Ho! Ho! Oh no!

2005-11-03T20:07:00.000-05:00

I noticed when I was driving home today, that one of my neighbors has already started to put up some Christmas decorations. Un-freaking-believable. My son has barely made a dent in his Halloween candy yet, and my porch is still displaying pumpkins in their prime.

Scooter, as seems to be common with so many right-wing politicos, has written a steamy book. Though his book crosses the line into downright skeevy and deviant.

I think of Republican sex as something like this, embracing all those weird, ancient anti-sodomy laws that are still around. However, it seems that the rabid pushers of family values have an exotic , disturbing secret life. And yet, someone like Alito is nominated to the Supreme Court. I guess you don't have to worry about abortions if you're fucking a deer.

Even though I have been eating plenty of chocolate lately (thanks to the Great Pumpkin), I am still looking for this, which is the dog's bollocks.

The Guardian has an interesting article about an endlessly fascinating website that addresses ethical dilemmas. There are some fabulous questions on there - like 'What is the definition of love?' and 'What is an irrational action?'. I don't know why I find this so interesting - I guess I didn't spend enough time getting stoned and staying up all night talking about this stuff when I was a student.

I just saw on TV, that the Today show is going to do a piece on the Da Vinci Code. That book is just the most craptacular thing I have ever read, and not only is it incredibly popular, it has spawned a whole series of books about it. I must admit, the religious stuff is pretty interesting but the plot is so super cheesy - albino monks? beautiful French cryptologist? - that it's hard to take seriously. But I realize I'm way in the minority in this, seeing as it's been on the best seller list for a gazillion years.

It's downhill from now on...

2005-11-01T20:52:00.000-05:00

I was going to post a picture of the kitty-litter cake I made for my pumpkin carving party, but the picture wasn't so hot. But trust me, it looks enough like the real thing that I have never actually eaten it. But now Halloween is over. It's the perfect holiday - no presents, not much decorating, no cooking marathon. Just walking the streets in funny clothes soliciting goodies. My son was a pill-crazed doctor with red-paint splattered scrubs, and looked totally cute. And garnered about 9 pounds of candy with not a single Almond Joy, which was to be 'my' candy as he doesn't like coconut.

I think Mr. Goodbar is a very weird name for a candy bar. Which came first - the movie or the candy? In any case, I have a major sugar hangover from eating all those teeny weeny candy bars that together make up 3 or 4 regular size ones. I want to detox!

I was telling my neighbor that I liked Halloween because it reminded me of Hogmanay, which is like Halloween for grown-ups. It's a Scottish New Year celebration where you carry around a bottle of booze and walk around and drink from other people's bottles and if you fancy each other, have a snog. It's the perfect way to celebrate when you're twenty-something and your hormones outweigh your germ phobia, without getting into too much trouble.

I read the excerpt from Maureen Dowd's book, Are Men Necessary in the New York Times. Usually I really like her, but I just thought this piece was so silly - high achieving smart women are missing out on love and kids because they're too intimidating, and younger women are rejecting feminism. Err, but who on earth would want a man who values compliance over intelligence, and what about the fact that women can actually take care of themselves these days, and don't have to end up in loveless marriages because being single is untenable? Plus the silly militant-Birkenstock-wearing feminist vs. pretty, groomed man-catchers dichotomy is annoying. And it's pretty insulting to men as well, as if all men want a Barbie doll with an IQ at least 30 points below theirs. Anyway, I don't know why there's so much angst about being a single, middle-aged woman, because, to be honest with you, I think only about a third of all marriages are at all enviable and the rest range from boring to abusive.

Kitty Litter Cake
1 spice cake mix
1 large packet vanilla pudding
1 package vanilla sandwich cookies
Green and blue food coloring
1 bag large Tootsie Rolls
Bake the cake as directed on the box. Mix the vanilla pudding as directed on the box and crumble in the cake. Spoon into a foil sheet cake pan lined with a wastebasket liner. Crush the cookies until they are fairly well crushed, and color with about a half bottle each of green and blue food coloring. Sprinkle the crumbs over the top of the cake, keeping back about half a cup. Unwrap 7 or 8 Tootsie Rolls. Melt in the microwave and shape into cat poo shapes - about 8 seconds for a firm poop, 15 seconds for diarrhea. Roll poops in reserved crumbs and arrange in an organic manner on the cake (half-buried, hanging over the edge). Serve on a newspaper with crumbs scattered around and a brand spanking new cat litter scoop. A few mini-turds on the newspaper is a nice touch.

Fitzmas

2005-10-26T20:56:00.000-05:00

Oh, Turd Blossom, Tom, Bill and Scooter (Dick's Dick). Line up for your perp walk. Doesn't ruining a blue Gap dress seem like small potatoes these days?

Of course, I'm gearing up for Rove and Libby anyway to get off the hook. I have a feeling Patrick Fitzgerald is going to file for an extension, and my gratification is at least going to be delayed.

The Times has posted the list of John Peel's singles. As you can see, John had eclectic and wide-ranging musical tastes. I don't know how familiar most Americans are with John Peel, but listening to him was part of growing up in Britain, and he was instrumental in launching the careers of David Bowie, The Smiths, Nirvana, The White Stripes, Blur and Joy Division, amongst many, many others. Sort of like a Zelig of music. Plus he was a funny, funny, loveable bastard.

Via the new Salon women's blog, Broadsheet, the new Kotex packages with flowers on them. I have to admit, slowly opening red flowers on period supplies ain't doin' it for me. Neither is describing one of the flowers (tulip, tampons), as 'promising a world of color'. I thought the whole point was to prevent a world of color.

Speaking of tampons, Charles and Camilla are coming to Washington DC. I bet they have a blast - I can't imagine Bush being a very genial host right now, with bad news coming thick and fast (see above).

The new face of H&M is Mariacarla Boscono (warning: boob alert, albeit tiny ones), replacing the disgraced Kate Moss. I sort of think the new girl totally looks like she snorts a barrel load of coke. But then I always liked Kate, trashing hotel rooms with Johnny Depp and sleeping with highly unsuitable rockstar boyfriends. And she's so pretty.

Scary Stories

2005-10-24T18:12:00.000-05:00

After many, many years of receiving the kind of junk mail befitting a dyed-in-the-wool liberal (Planned Parenthood, Sierra Club, Democratic party fundraisers etc), I got a piece of right wing junk mail, inviting me to join the American Compass book club. Now how did I get on this mailing list? Is it because my son is attending a charter school? Is this the thin end of the wedge, and by the time I'm 50 I will be harrumphing into my brandy about damn immigrant single mothers? Here's a quote from that skank, Anne Cooter, I mean Coulter that was on the flyer:

"I am often asked if I still think we should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity. The answer is: Now more than ever". No comment necessary...

Anyway, I diverted myself by combining book titles from this book club into one mega-evangelical, family-valued, trickle-down volume of self righteousness:
Whose Bible Is It?:Deliver Us From Evil, God and George W. Bush Running On Empty

You get a free duffle bag for joining, perfect for smuggling pipe bombs into your local abortion clinic! I'm tempted but I'll pass.

Speaking of school, my son is doing an animal observation project on one of our cats. It's pretty difficult to do this, as they basically don't do anything but sleep, eat and lick their butts. Unless you extrapolate their thoughts.
"God, I hate that Opal bitch. She's so goody-goody, like she never hocks up a hairball. I don't know why Marianne likes her better. Opal's so obvious, with the purring and fawning and attention getting. I'm so above that. I'm fixating my glare of death on her right now, if she would just look this way. I spat into the food bowl and she never noticed, heh. What IS that - oh, it's my tail. Ouch. Oooh, I feel a crusty bit on my butt. Better eat it. Not that I like it or anything, but you know".

I, like Pinky (but not with Pinky, unfortunately), saw MirrorMask. It was beautiful, but a rip-off of so many other movies (some of which Pinky identified). The plot was B-O-R-I-N-G and utterly predictable. I thought the best parts were the beginning and end, and the middle was a muddle.

This packaging tape rocks my world (I think this is the British version, but I bought some here). No scissors required! Sad, isn't it?

I have a horrible confession. I like America's Funniest Home Videos. But only the ones with cute babies or animals in them. I think it's because I'm starting to embrace family values.

Nature Notes

2005-10-20T19:42:00.000-05:00

Mykull told me about squirrels on crack, and I didn't believe him, and I looked it up and it's true! Of all the animals in the world, aren't squirrels the worst to be crack addicts? They're already twitchy and hyperactive and obsessive-compulsive, what with their nut gathering and burying and counting, not to mention all the squirrel sex they must have to ensure their complete domination of every yard I can think of. The only animal I can think of that might be worse on crack are hummingbirds. Now cats could do with a little crack probably, because they're such lazy, nonchalant bastards.

I saw in a Target flyer, that they are selling pitcher plants, except they call them carnivorous cobra lilies, which sounds so much cooler.

I saw this headline on CNN: 'Oscar Winner goes topless on Italian TV', and clicked on it, only to find in my horror that the topless star was Roberto Benigni, who starred in one of the worst, shudder inducing movies I have ever seen, his version of Pinocchio. Imagine a fifty year old man (and an ugly one at that) dressed in a satin sailor suit with a five o'clock shadow pouting 'But Papa, I didn't mean to be naughty!'. That man is certifiable in my opinion, like Robin Williams crossed with one of the crack squirrels.

I'm twelve, because I snortled at this story. Hee - a man exposing himself to a hot dog vendor. With his hot dog in his right hand.

Questions of the day

2005-10-16T19:25:00.000-05:00

I saw these two related memes out there: which movie scenes make you cry and which make you laugh?

The crying one's easy:

Dumbo, where the mum elephant is locked up and she cradles Dumbo in her trunk. It bums me out just thinking about it.

The Snowman. The whole bloody thing - the music, the angelic singing, the fantastic animation, the idealized childhood in a country farmhouse, the inevitable melting scene. Oops, I didn't spoil it for you, did I?

Finding Neverland. That little Freddie Highmore is a phenomenal actor, and adds real pathos to kind of a cheesy tearjerker. Mykull and I bawled like babies when we saw this, much to the chagrin of my son.

I also have to put in a shout out for the anti-drug commercial where the old lady is waiting for her grandkid to show up for dinner (except he or she is out getting wasted instead), and she optimistically rearranges the cutlery over and over again. Even the transcript is sad.

And the ones that make me laugh:

Meet The Parents. The water volleyball scene makes me laugh everytime. The speedo, the social discomfort, the blood-letting. I know Ben Stiller is ubiquitous, but he's still hilarious.

Napoleon Dynamite. The dance scene of course. It's funny and heart-warming, and I know this is not a mainstream opinion, strangely sexy. Shut up.

The Big Lebowski. So many moments. Donnie's ashes blowing back all over everyone, da Jesus in his jumpsuit, Walter's Vietnam rants, the incessant swearing. Actually, anything the Coen brothers do is funny.

And, I have to saw, just the sight of Rowan Atkinson's rubbery face.

I'll add another question. Which movies can you never, ever watch again? Mine are:

Requiem for a Dream. My god, this movie is harrowing. I didn't even want to pop a Midol for weeks afterwards.

Trainspotting. The dead baby on the ceiling did it for me. Also, you need nerves of steel to to even read Irvine Welsh, in spite of the fact he's a fabulous writer. He'll sap any faith in the goodness of humanity out of you.

Dancer in the Dark. Bjork is amazing in this. Unfair, bad stuff just keeps on happening. And the end is just about unwatchable, it's so tragic. In my opinion, Lars Von Trier has a dark heart that's two sizes too small. Opinions, please, readers!

Dollar Spot

2005-10-10T17:47:00.000-05:00

I thought becoming a parent would change my sense of humor to be a little more wholesome but no. I now have a pre-adolescent to affirm my wit, which only encourages me and makes me worse. Look what my son found in the Dollar Spot in Target:
Not bad for a dollar, especially considering that you can't get Viagra on Medicaid anymore. Check out the instructions - pretty impressive:

My son and I went to see the Stones on Saturday. I figured it was like taking him to see Caruso sing, and I'm not sure if there will ever be an intersection of him tolerating going to a concert with his mom, and the Stones playing near us ever again. It was a very good show; exactly what you would expect, with Mick doing his Mick thing and pyrotechnics and gigantic inflatable stage sets. But in terms of emotional response, Sigur Ros in concert really did it for me much better. And good God, the Stones are so incredibly, incredibly old. I have to admit, I was a little afraid for Keef - he looked so tired. And there is no way you could say Mick is sexy anymore. He just isn't.

Mykull and I went to see A History of Violence, mainly to see beautiful, beautiful Viggo. It's a good movie too - it reminded me a lot of The Unforgiven. It's supposed to be an allegory of Bush's administration, specifically, it's foreign policy, but without spoiling the movie, it also seems very symptomatic of the values that are revered right now in this country, and the denial inherent in holding those values. Or maybe I'm a cynical old bat. And the little girl in the movie sucks.

The sprog and I went to Centerfest yesterday, which is always a good time. We had mango on a stick, which was awesome, especially with chili powder. And they had some bouncy inflatable thingies which were fun. Except for the worm/snake which had an exit that looked horribly vulval. Watching kids pop out of there was really disconcerting.