Mykull told me about squirrels on crack, and I didn't believe him, and I looked it up and it's true! Of all the animals in the world, aren't squirrels the worst to be crack addicts? They're already twitchy and hyperactive and obsessive-compulsive, what with their nut gathering and burying and counting, not to mention all the squirrel sex they must have to ensure their complete domination of every yard I can think of. The only animal I can think of that might be worse on crack are hummingbirds. Now cats could do with a little crack probably, because they're such lazy, nonchalant bastards.
I saw in a Target flyer, that they are selling pitcher plants, except they call them carnivorous cobra lilies, which sounds so much cooler.
I saw this headline on CNN: 'Oscar Winner goes topless on Italian TV', and clicked on it, only to find in my horror that the topless star was Roberto Benigni, who starred in one of the worst, shudder inducing movies I have ever seen, his version of Pinocchio. Imagine a fifty year old man (and an ugly one at that) dressed in a satin sailor suit with a five o'clock shadow pouting 'But Papa, I didn't mean to be naughty!'. That man is certifiable in my opinion, like Robin Williams crossed with one of the crack squirrels.
I'm twelve, because I snortled at this story. Hee - a man exposing himself to a hot dog vendor. With his hot dog in his right hand.